Why does my love for another man have to feel so wrong? (x-post /r/lgbt)

I've known I liked guys for about a year now (I'm 18). Last week, I met this amazing guy. He is so so sweet and kind and everything that I could ever ask for.I grew up in a really homophobic family, one that treated gay people like they were not human. I remember my mother regularly making fun of lgbt people, obsessing over them, blocking me from any form of media that had two people of the same sex kissing. I remember she even telling me not to go to certain places at night because "the gays are going to come out and rape you". That line sticks with me. Every time I hold my boyfriend (especially when we are getting intimate), that line plays back in my mind. It hurts me to no end that I am that person my own mother was telling me to stay away from. I would do anything to hold my boyfriend without it feeling wrong and me being disgusted of myself. I want it to just feel normal. This whole thing has really made me question if I truly like guys. Every time we have cuddled I have been really turned on by him... It feels weird, and I know that there should be no reason why it should, it just does...I don't know what to do.I'm in a really bad place right now....