26 and still closeted. And I'm in love with best (bi) male friend

OK, so I'll explain why I'm still closeted first. I was abused as a child and I just find sex pretty difficult. It's not worth the hassle of coming out when I know I have so many problems with my body being touched.I've only ever had sex with women. I honestly don't even know how I got it up since I am 100% gay. But the few times I've had sex with women it's always ended in disaster - suicide attempts, fights, getting arrested. Because it always reminds me of getting abused.The one person who I can trust with my body is best friend. We've both seen each other naked many times (usually when drunk). We've gone further when drunk, but never had sex.He got a girlfriend a few years ago. I never anticipated how painful it would be for me emotionally. It was like a break-up except I wasn't allowed to complain. We are so close and I was just supposed to give my companionship with him over to someone else as if it just didn't matter.About a year after they started dating, he started trying to have sex with me. I never went through with it because I felt sorry for his girlfriend and he was always drunk when he came on to me. I didn't want to take advantage of him.He later told me that he has had many problems getting it up while with his girlfriends. He's also had sex with a few men, seemingly without problems.He had already told me he was in love with me (again while drunk) about a month or two before they started dating. Oh, yeah, and he did that while he was standing naked in my kitchen.I love him and I know there is not a single person on this planet who could ever be as devoted to him as I am. I have always stuck by him when everyone else has abandoned him.For a while he was openly bisexual. This was mainly to circumvent the fact that his gf caught him cheating on him with a guy. But now he denies it and says he has always been straight.I want to be with him but I just don't know where to start. I've known him for more than 10 years and I don't want anyone else.He doesn't even drink anymore so I can't use that to help. I don't want to lose him as a friend but I also don't want to see him go out with someone else who he doesn't even fancy.His family is rich and very homophobic. They would disown him from the will if they found out he was gay. I just feel like I'm not living in the right period of time for us to be together. People are very anti-gay around here. Maybe in a hundred years we could have been together but for now we'll just have to accept that it isn't possible. I just hope resurrection is real so we can be together in another life.