So, am I fucking gay? [Going insane.]

This is it, I'm going pretty fucking crazy. I'm going to attempt to write my whole story down as I calm down.I am a 20 year old male. As far as I can tell, I have been STRAIGHT for my entire life. Nearly a year ago, I was high (weed) and I randomly asked myself, "Am I gay?" Now, I had never thought about that before in a serious way, but I remember getting called "gay!" as a kid during middle school and being offended by it, but never because I "felt gay," only because it was an "insult," like "fatso" or "idiot." (No offense to anybody gay here, I'm not saying it's bad to be gay. This was when I was a little kid. I have nothing against gays.)Ever since that day, I've had a HUGE up and down of worrying incessantly about whether or not I might be gay. Now, the easiest way to find out was to see if I am attracted to guys (I doubt it.), but it gets more difficult than just that.I've seen myself as straight for my whole life, but I've always felt a little "inferior" as a guy. I always envied the popular kids, I was always very quiet and shy, didn't play / wasn't very good at sports, and usually I was mostly to myself.Let me clarify: I NEVER had a crush/fantasy/dream or anything similar to any guy since childhood, ever. I never felt "different from all the other boys" in a sexual way (just in a personality way), and as far back as I can remember, I always had crushes on girls since about the 2nd grade.Fast forward to 19, I've never felt gay at all, but I suppose I always had the lingering thoughts of my classmates calling me gay and I suppose that began to fuel a fear that perhaps everyone "knew" I was gay except for me.I had a HUGE crush on a girl since the 7th grade, and we finally dated all throughout high school. I absolutely loved kissing her, I lover her hair, her body, her ass, her tits, everything about her. We both lost our virginities to each other and I loved having sex with her.I've always seemed to get a hard on for girls, tits, vagina, you name it, but for some reason for the past like 10 months, I've had a crippling fear that I might like guys. I've had all kinds of fears about being gay: Being emotionally attracted to guys and being physically/sexually attracted to them.I've googled like 100 articles about HOCD and I'm still not convinced that I'm straight. I wake up in the morning and instantly start fearing that I'm gay. I know it sounds irrational until now, but I wanna say a few more things.The fear is almost mostly focused on my ass hole. I lately have a weird feeling in my ass that makes me feel like I might enjoy anal sex. I've tried anal play with my finger in a condom and it feels good about 50% of the time. It's good, and I don't have a problem with that, but it makes me fear that I may actually enjoy a dick going in there, and that terrifies me for some reason. I honestly don't want to be gay, but I am scared that I am denying to myself that I would like to have a dick inside my ass. I know being gay is not just a sexual thing.As far as emotionally/romantically, I don't really feel like I've ever been attracted to a guy, though sometimes I feel a kind of butterfly in my stomach, sometimes with friends or people I hang out with, that feels like it might be admiration / intimidation (going back to me not really feeling like I am very masculine.)I am not aroused by guys per se, but I seem to have a fondness / appreciation for the male form. Something about a fit guy's body sort of "turns me on" in a way, but not really in a way that I "want them." I've also in the past been turned on by the image of a penis, particularly a big penis. I've theorized that this could be from years and years of watching porn and masturbating, and also years of getting boners and measuring my dick (something I've done a lot of over the years.)So, I kind of get "turned on" by dicks. This plus the anal sensation freak me out over the course of the entire day because I am constantly feeling and thinking about that.I have never had any gay "fantasies" that I jerk off too nor have I ever had any "enjoyable" gay thoughts, though I am scared that I may 'subconsciously enjoy them.'I've tried to watch gay porn and my dick goes to 0%. But I have also looked at nude pics of fit guys, and something in my brain goes "ooh, he's hot," and it like SLIGHTLY turns me on, which is something that confuses me...I fear sometimes that I might be bisexual, but I don't wanna be. I am also against trying out and experimenting because that just sounds like a nightmare, but sometimes I get scared that I might get drunk and wanna grab a guy's dick or something.I don't know guys... Does this sound crazy to you? Because it's making me crazy and I have been thinking about it almost 24/7 for the past few months.Any comments at all will be appreciated.Thank you all in advance,User 7k.