Questioning - Trigger warning abuse

I would like to start off my post by saying that I am doing my very best to be as respectful as possible. If I offend or am ignorant somehow, please simply let me know and I will change it, as that is not my intention.I am sexually attracted to women. I have had multiple sexual partners and enjoyed myself at first. However, after a month or so, I find it very difficult to be aroused by my partner, often leading to her leaving.I have had more and more what I would label non-sexual crushes on men. Thinking about men I know and wanting to go to dinner with them, hold hands, even cuddle. These thoughts are persistent, more than fleeting, and genuinely romantic in nature. This has never progressed to a desire to be sexual or even kiss another man, but these thoughts are more and more common.A friend suggested I turn to pornography to "jumpstart my libido". This only seems to have deadened my sexual urges in general, leading to even less of a distinction between my feelings for men and my feelings for women.I was molested, assaulted, and sodomized against my will from ages 2-8 by adult men. This may play a large part in my complete avoidance of any sexual contact with men. When I think of any sexual encounter with another man, I experience at least moderate anxiety. PTSD, unrelated socialized homophobia, call it what you may.And so I arrive at my question. Is this the beginning of my own journey into realizing I am bisexual or gay? Is there such a thing as being emotionally bisexual and sexually straight? (I am certain I am interested in only monogamy, whatever place my sexuality may fall.) Is there a way to get over my aversion to kissing men and interacting with penises? If not, is there a way to stop thinking romantically about men?Again, if I'm being ignorant, homophobic, offensive, please let me know. I'm not here to upset anyone or be hurtful.Thanks.