Suggestions on sexual frustration and past trauma.

I suppose what I have to say you can't have with the average person because of fear of rejection or confusion but I need help, so I'm going online for a possible support group: for I suffer from many issues.One, I live in Utah. Two, I live alone in Utah and am delusional in making an Design degree work in Utah (even though it seems delusional on some parts since I'm anti-social). Three, I know I'm not special for attention or to be seen as "what's so special about this guy" to deserve some help... but I feel like I'm at the end of my rope and feel really screwed up. Four: I don't have friends because I'm constantly working and having a quarter life crisis. Five: I confused intimacy for sex and codependency because of early exposure to sex as a child. I kept that a secret for a long time...I’ve told my uncle about my shame in not sticking with friends… not having any. These things take time, I know, but I’m not sure how to make friends anymore. He suggest that I make them through personal hobbies and things I love doing.But I feel so damn incompatible with society. Like everyone has given so much more then what I have; it doesn’t help that I don’t feel like I’m doing anything with my life but living paycheck to paycheck… could this change? We also talked about knowing the difference in myself between intimacy and sex… that I was having a hard time knowing the difference… but he thought it was good that I was trying to learn this for myself… I suppose I have his support.I asked him to try to put himself in my shoes… but he said he couldn’t because he didn’t know what I liked… I suppose he thought I was asking him to be literal and not to think outside of the box with the problems I was going through.I’ve liked gay sex all my life but have never had one intimate relationship based on love. I’m ashamed of things Ive done in my past to seek male attention… I was comfortable with my sexuality until I felt that I was overtly more sexual than the Utah gays…. If this make sense?I tried to explain to family that I felt like I was taking more out of life then I was giving back in. A particular family member said they didn’t understand. I tried to explain that I feel disconnected to society because I don’t feel like I’m contributing to it seeing that I see myself as an outsider without any strong social ties. I feel like a loser.I feel so many things are wrong with me... like I'm not living up to societies expectations... something urges me to be more responsible for myself.This post is sporadic... but I have a lot going on. Help?