I'm a closet gay, what advice would you have for me?

It's extremely difficult to find other gays where I live. I live in a farming community where everyone knows each other, and also seems to worship Jesus or have some form of unspoken homophobia. In my community, and especially in my family, it's frowned upon to do anything out of the ordinary. The ordinary pretty much being anything the bible tells you to be. I do happen to have 1 cousin who is gay that I never get to see, and is in a relationship, but I haven't talked to him years, and I'm not sure how I would even go about talking to him since it's the only thing I really have in common with him. My other option I have is to go to my friends.That being said, I've had the same group of friends ever since early grade school, I'm 21 now, but I've never tried to admit anything about myself to them. I constantly fear rejection or that I may even made fun of. They're good friend's who typically don't get reduced to this type of behavior, and probably wouldn't even care who I wanted to date, but something always holds me back from bringing up to them, probably just the fact that I don't like being treated differently based on my beliefs.Meeting new people is extremely hard for me to do since I don't really live near places with large social gatherings. The closest gay bars to me are about an hour away in each direction, so it would almost have to be a day trip just to go to one and meet some people. I wouldn't mind doing so, but I work 40 hours a week and only get 2 days off a week, which still leaves plenty of time to meet people, however, there's another factor that hinders my life style.I happen to have issues with anxiety and depression, and both always seem to hit me like a bullet. I get anxious when I have the opportunity to meet new people, feeling afraid or scared of what might happen. Then there's my depression that tells me that I'm worthless if I feel rejected, that I'm alone, deserve to be alone and nobody wants me. This then makes it hard for me to go out and be myself, and I instead sit at him loathing myself and my state of mind. Sometimes, I feel like I actually don't even know myself most of the time.I really just want any advice that you guys can give. I've felt this way for years, but haven't been able to successfully follow up on my desires. I don't expect anything life changing, but I have no one to talk to or set an example for me. Also, this is honestly my first reddit post, and I'm really looking forward to any feedback I can get.