living in a Conservative , small town in turkey.

hello everyone! , ham is the name (no pun intended) , syrian 18 YO, 4 years living in hatay/turkey in a town called antakya , in all honesty .THIS TOWN SUCCC!grindr needs you to have proxy servers so you can access it which means rip location , hornet is basically a place where people go "XX person wants access to your private pictures" as a start of convo , almost everyone there is basically sex craving , which i am not judging , but i am sadly not like them , i have a couple self issues as well (being labeled a clingy or creepy person most of the time) because i was brought up in a wrong , non eventful way of life .i currently avoid sex dates because of multiple reasons , IDK how much a person can be evil at this era (recording sex ,cyber bullying after , sharks going after their virgin non experienced prey etc) , as i think i am a bottom myself , i get scared from illnesses OR embarrassing accidents (to put it bluntly , shit and farts ;) ) , so i freeze and refuse .i have what you might call a cute face , but gets ruined by my non-fitting body , by that i mean my 90+ kg weight does not fit ME , so i don't mean to offend the other lovely bears :) , i am striving from depression , ...eh self-dangering urges with a lack of an understanding therapist , i am doing all i can though.i just , need your advices and notes on this , state , i am still after all an 18 YO guy who only experienced , bad things if i may call it(i am not the only one in the world who experienced hard issues , no need to remind me of that). thank you in advance !P.S: the reason i am using gay apps is because the place is homophobic , and for some reason hornet is a famous app that turkish (and syrians) use here .