Venting about my love life

This post isn't really anything important. I just wanted to write about my feelings since I don't have anybody to tell this to, but feel free to read it if you feel like it. So anyway, I'm an 18 male, graduated high school like 1 month ago. So, throughout life, I've known I was gay ever since I was little. I've been around a Christian people and family (since I came from the Phillipines), so society has made me developed crushes on girls. I found out though that I am very attached to someone I have a crush on, so it takes a while for me to get over them. I am also shy which means I could never show my burning desire to be with someone. I have been rejected most of my life until sophomore year came when I started coming out to my friends. This guy seemed so out of my league, so dating him never went in my head. Of course, I figured no one would like me in the first place so that's another reason. Surprisngly, when my friend and I were about to leave the school to go to my house, I bumped into this guy (we'll call him Ed). What happened here was kinda like what would happen in those stereotypical romantic movies (but with me being obvlivious) cus he casually talked to me and said would like to talk to me. I thought he was just being friendly, so I said "sure". Later , when I got home, I was talking to another friend (which we'll call him Ty). So, I liked Ty and he and I were starting to become like close friends, and so sooner or later, I get a friend request from Ed, which who I totally forgot about until that moment. So, I started talking to Ed even up til 12 am, and then we started hanging out more. So, fast forwarding a bit, Ed came to my house and he became my first of everything. Kiss, love, and sexual stuff haha. Fast forwarding more, I liked Ed a lot, and so I told my close friend "Ty" that I was gay, and, of course, I was happy that he accepted me, and so I felt so happy that time. Until Ed started talking to his ex a lot more than me. [I suck at making posts talking about my life, so we'll just summarize what happened as short as possible]. So, basically, I was stupid because I was never loved like Ed did and he would keep cheating on me to the point where I was broken. We didn't last long. Only 7 months together and summer came. I was depressed and lonely and wanted someone to be able to be naked cuddling under the covers and play video games with someone. I still liked Ty, and so I told him I like him. He said he thought I was cute, which he then told me that he's bi. So, over the summer, I was in an extreme withdrawal and I locked myself in my bedroom the whole time as I desperately think about Ty and how I want to be with him. Later on, I was switched into a different school because gerrymandering of school boundaries for my junior year. Of course, I would still talk to Ty by then, but we don't see each other. I was still lonely and depressed over Ed because of how the whole time in the relationship felt like it was all fake. So, then, I wanted to be with Ty, but then he told me he's liked this one girl, which then really bumbed me very much. Later on, he soon blocked me out of nowhere and so I didn't have anybody else. I was alone. Later on in senior year though, Ed started talking to me. Of course, I had such deep hate for him, but I couldn't stop the small flame of affection I still have for him, so I felt bad, but still kinda gave the cold shoulder. I forgot to mention that in junior year, Ed and I started talking again then and did things together (which I regretted doing) then got blocked by him due to his manipulative self. Anyway, I was depressed about the fact I'm still talking to Ed, but I went to the point where I didn't give a shit anymore, but still felt sad that I was alone. Then, Ty started talking to me again as I finished my last day of high school. Of course, I felt happy that all of my struggles are gone and I finally got over Ed, but then when Ty started talking to me, I was still feeling alone. And so we started talking again and I cofessed to him that I still like him. He said he liked me too, which surprised me. He and I soon started sexting, but then there's parts of me that would remember the bad things that happened during Ed and I. Ty said he wanted to take things slow, but I feel like he is just trying to get with me just to get a good time. I really like him like how I liked Ed, but idk. While we were talking like 1 week ago, he said something about how he had a really hot chick over, but he said he didn't feel like doing anything with her. Then he kept talking about it then paused, then he said that he'd want to do stuff with me of course. Idk, it just threw me off about how he said it. And now, he barely talks to me, and I feel like he prefers that girl over me. I feel so lonely and I really want to be with Ty. I barely even like guys because I'm so picky, and I just want to be able to love and be loved. Anyway, that's all for now. I have other things I have to do, lol. Just wanted to get this off my chest.