Where do I belong?

This is kind of confusing to read, even to me.. I am in a relationship with a guy and this is my first time same sex relationship. It is all fun and butterfly, but I still can't move on from my Ex-girlfriend. I come from a not gay friendly place and I didn't have any gay contacts back then. So I knew that I had to have girlfriend to blend in. Then I had several Gfs, most of them just you know high school dating kind of thing. So nothing serious. But my last Ex, we dated since we were in college and this relationship went for 5 years, we had so many stories together. She is the cutest girl in my circle and so honest, kind hearted. I still remember the small jokes she said. The furthest of our sex life was just oral. I never tried to penetrate,Not only I was scarred she would find out but she wanted to keep her virginity until marriage and I respect that. Recalling the culture from my place and our religion. However, I knew that time that I am gay, I watched gay porns and fantasized about the boys in my school. Until that time I had to move to europe for college. We broke up due to distance and fault that I made (not cheating). I messed up and she found other guy. And then, I met this guy. Still in europe. He is so mature and treat me like the way I treated my Ex. Its been more than 2 years with him. I love him so much but some nights I keep dreaming of her, still with me. The dream was like either we met somewhere, or we fixed our relationship. I always wake up with tears, because the fact that she is now married.tl;dr I am not enjoying the anal in gay sex (both roles) I am not sure whether I can enjoy the hetero sex. I love them both, but I know that I am into guys only. I do watch gay porns, I have no interest for physical contact with girls. I dont know what I want and where I belong