I [24M] am having second thoughts of my relationship with my boyfriend [26m] need your advice.

So sorry for the wall of text but I have been holding this inside of my head for such a long time i needed to vent. If huh don't want to read the entire wall of text there's a tl:dr but I would advice to read it all to get all points and give me your advice. Thank you. Originally this wasn't meant to be a Reddit post but just writing a letter to myself but it basically summed up how I've felt for a year now and I figured I would get your perspective.My insecurities and my fears have lead me to believe that I honestly don't think this relationship will last, and it scares me because I love this man. I love him more than I have ever loved anyone in my entire life. I love him harder than I've ever loved in any of my relationships. I'm scared because I don't feel like I'm the right person for him. In a way, I sort of feel like he's out of my league. I'll see his past, claiming that he's asexual or that when he gets crushes on people he goes full blown "stalker" or "crazy" over them. He's even gone as far as posting pictures of guys on Facebook that he's found attractive. Saying things from "yum" and "I need a ginger boyfriend like that" and as his current boyfriend, this sort of stuff doesn't make you feel good. I never got the "yum you're cute" or the "crush" stage of this relationship. I think maybe because we moved to fast in this relationship. We talked for about 2 days before we actually met in person and then on the day we met we made it official. I was the one who asked him to be my boyfriend. I know I jumped the gun, and I didn't even really know him. But I'm the type of guy that loves hard with everything he's got from the get go. Over the course of the time that we have been together, which has been well over a year and a half, he has never told me that he thinks I'm handsome, or that im cute. He has never been the "cuddle" type. The kind of guy who holds your hand and hugs you because he enjoys it. I truly believe he is asexual and that he settled for me because he doesn't think he'll ever get anyone else. You see my boyfriend was single for about 8 years before he finally decided it was time to get into a relationship. But I don't think either of us thought it through to the extent we should have. I didn't ask myself "why hasn't this gorgeous boy been in a relationship for so long?" And of course all the questions, fears and insecurities came crawling out during the course of the next 18 months. Yes, I "stalked" his profile and all his pictures in the way that any new boyfriend would. I never hacked my way into any of his accounts or went into something without my consent. We have always had trust with each other he knows all my passwords to all my accounts and I know his. Never once did I feel the need to not trust him. But in a way, when I look at post on his Facebook of maybe less than a year from when we started dating and I see him flirting with his coworker. Sending him nude pictures of himself and talking dirty to his co worker. To nude Reddit post of him on here where he would talk to guys publicly in the comment section and say how much he loved their cock and how sexy they were and how on Facebook he would always post pictures of his favorite singer/actor and claim how sexy he was and how he loved him. For the first couple months in the relationship I was hot and heavy for him. Constantly wanted to have sex with him because well I found him attractive. We'd have sex and it was enjoyable but it was never passionate and I never felt wanted by him. And over time i started getting rejected. He wasn't in the mood, he couldn't cum and sometimes he wouldn't be able to get it up. It got to the point recently a few weeks ago where I flat out told him I felt rejected and like he didn't really loved me, told me everything I'm telling you now and he would just get annoyed at the fact that I was trying to get to the bottom of his behavior and try and understand where he's coming from. I feel like I don't even know him. We've been together for a year and a half and I don't really know a lot about who he is or what he likes. Sure his family and his friends know about me, and they're all supportive of our relationship but sometimes it doesn't feel like he's all that into me. I feel like he settled for me because maybe he didn't think he could find anyone else. I stopped asking for sex, I stopped trying to initiate with him only to have him turn around and start trying to have sex with me. Every other day he would try and get me to have sex. I started feeling resentful towards him. Didn't really want to have sex anymore didn't wanna blow him anymore I didn't enjoy having sex anymore. If he didn't feel attracted to me he could have just said something and we could have ended the relationship. We live together now and for the most part it's all great. We get along perfect and even though everyone knows we're a couple it doesn't feel like we're a couple. It feels like we're just friends who occasionally have sex. He doesn't like kissing, or passionate sex with me, he doesn't like cuddling or holding hands even in the comfort of our own home. I don't ask for public affection I know it makes him uncomfortable. Recently he started wanting me to fuck him which is pretty odd because he really never seemed to enjoy having sex led alone bottoming and I'm not the biggest guy down there but I'm not small, average and so far in the last week I fucked him twice but here is where my fears and my irrational thinking come in. He's going back to his hometown over the next weekend and he's going to be gone for a week. He hasn't been back home in 3 years and this will be the first time he'll see his friends and family and I'm sure they'll wanna go out to the club and get drunk and I'm scared that maybe someone from his past will come out during the time he's there and that they'll have sex and I'm here paranoid thinking that the only reason he's bottoming for me all of a sudden when I have begged for a long time is to get ready and he can be a bit relaxed when he goes back home for something to happen. Now he's never shown me any signs that he's unfaithful at all. And for the most part we have always been honest with each other except for when he doesn't like to hear about how I feel. I've sort of feel like maybe I shouldn't be here. I have told him plenty of times if he's not into me that he needs to just tell me and we can end it. I'm 24 I'm looking for my future I'm looking for kids and to get married and to start my life start building a base. I don't want to waste my time in the relationship if he doesn't feel the same way. He has assured me that he does and while marriage was never for him he would do it for me if I wanted to.. But I don't know if I want my life to be this way forever. To feel resentful because he never wanted to have sex. To feel alone because he never makes me feel good or is hardly ever affectionate to me. I'm tired of being the one trying to make this work. To Compromise to be honest with each other but it feels like he's trying hard to not open up all the way and I don't understand why. He's told me he's loved me and it took him almost a year to do that. But it's hard to imagine the stuff he's said to other guys he didn't even know yet has never made me feel sexy or wanted the way he's made those random dudes feel and all the flirting he's done with his coworkers. He's never flirted with me, never sexted and I just don't want to resent him. I don't know what to do. I can't talk to him about this because he just doesn't understand. He's selfish, he only cares about himself and I'm scared to lose him to someone else but I'm even more scared to stay if he's not into me. Reddit, what do I do? Are you asexual? What does that mean what does my relationship mean...Tl:dr I think boyfriend is asexual. Doesn't like having sex with me. But prior to me he was able to flirt, make sexual innuendos and send dirty pictures to his coworkers without a problem but won't do they for me. Debating if it's worth staying or if I should leave?