Can't get myself involved with other gays

I'm just 18, and I have been out of the closet since my 13's and by now I have knew a lot of gay people, went to a lot of gay places, I fucked a lot with lot's of people. But I can't get involved with gays.I feel like the gay world is a crazy race to get to the hottest guy, and while I do work out I'm far to being comfortable with my own body and I only have a six-pack when flexing...I feel like dating a guy that is more beautiful than me will only make me feel jealously and worried most of the time, or that I will be changed when the guy finds someone who is hotter than me.It's all about Grindr and casual sex now, even more than the past I think...I just can't feel connected to other gays ( especially if they are hotter than me, even if they get laid with me )....It also doesn't help that I still live with my parents, and most of the people I meet live with their parents either, or in a place where they can't bring man, so if I were to have a relationship we would have to live it on public places or motels (here in my country motels are like hotels you go and pay to get a room for one hour or more to fuck and I don't know the equivalent word in English) most of the time.How to deal with this? Should I just accept that the gay world is all about fucking with the hottest guy with no feelings ever?