[NSFW] I'm not sure what to feel after my first hook up?

Hi Reddit.I've posted on here a few times because quite frankly I"m bad at being gay and need advice.Anyway, in my first weeks away from home and at college I felt sorta lame. I was 18 and never did anything with a guy or girl. Like, to the point I'd never even kissed someone. All my gay friends back home had "some" experience and I kind of just felt left outed. I also always had self-esteem issues. My lack of interaction and rejection by other gay guys led me to believe I was ugly. I thought I wanted sex, but didn't think I could get it. So I went on Grindr to see who exactly I could catch.Well for starters I got a lot of interest from cute guys, including 1 or 2 frat boys, so I don't think I can call myself ugly anymore. I don't know. But one really cute guy messaged me and I couldn't resist so I went to his apartment to suck him off.I was really. Really. Bad. I'm so embarrassed at how bad I was. Like I feel like I let the guy down i was so bad. Like he was so big I couldn't put the whole thing in my mouth so I sorta gagged most of the time and I rushed it and I think he felt teeth. And he didn't climax until maybe 5 minutes into it while I wasn't even on his dick...he bascially jerked himself off because I couldn't get it done, I feel.Anyway he said I did good, but I don't really believe him, and we talked for a bit afterwards but then I walked home and I wasn't sure what to feel. I got back at like, 3 a.m. and now my friends are mad at me for hooking up with someone without any thought. I missed class too and yea. I feel like a wreck.also edit: I guess this wasn't really a hook-up but it was my first experience but idk