I hooked up with a straight friend, and I feel really weird about it. Kinda need to talk it out.

So, the other night I went to a work happy hour. I'm out at work, and the only gay guy on the team. I work in finance, which seems to have less out gay men than, oh, let's say Theater. The finance world can be very homophobic and frat-y/bro-y (not in the good way). However, everyone at my office is super supportive and I've never felt like it's been a "thing" that there's a gay guy on our floor. In fact, I've prided myself on the number of times people have said to me that I've shown them that gay men are "just like everyone else."Anyway, this happy hour was a goodbye for myself and a few other people who are leaving the project, though we're staying within the same company. One of the guys who came was someone that I worked closely with. Let's call him Jim. Jim is straight, and I find him very attractive. i mean, the kind of attractive where even seeing his hand click his mouse made me shiver. I made a concerted effort to be professional around him, and to never treat him differently or flirt/hit on him. He's mentioned a couple times how he feels comfortable around me and impressed with my work. This actually means a lot, not because I think he's hot, but because I can tell he hangs around people who probably WOULD have a problem with me. He's one of those fraty guys who would probably be homophobic if this was 10 years earlier. However, we've developed a friendship and I was perfectly comfortable to just be friends.Back to the happy hour the other night. So Jim and a bunch of other people are at the bar when I get there. We all just sit around talking, not really drinking much. Eventually, someone says we should play drinking games. We start playing some drinking games, and people start getting smashed pretty quickly. Jim was one of them. He kinda has a reputation for drinking a ton and going crazy. At other happy hours I've been to with him, I usually find out the next day that he doesn't remember anything that happened. I've even seen him get turned down by the bartender for being too drunk. I was also one of the people who got drunk quickly. For whatever reason, whenever I get drunk, I have to talk about being gay. Someone told me that I introduced myself to someone that night by simply saying "I'm gay." This is totally uncharacteristic of "sober me," and it bothers me that I do this when drunk. Again, I don't want to be known as the "gay coworker" because I feel like just a normal person who just happens to be attracted to men.At some point, Jim says he's stepping out for a cigarette and invites me. I go out with him and we smoke. We're both extremely drunk at this point, and this is where my own memory starts to get fuzzy. I remember asking him if I could kiss him. Then I remember us getting a cab, and him saying "this is new to me." In the cab, I remember assuring him that I wouldn't tell anyone what we're doing. Then I remember ending up at my place and him naked in my bed. I remember blowing him for a while and asking if he liked it. He was soooo drunk that all he could do was murmur and nod yes. Next thing I remember was taking a picture with my phone, him telling me to delete it because "that's messed up", and me deleting it.I woke up naked in the morning and he was sleeping on the floor, clothed. I cannot even tell you how horrified I felt at that moment. It was the worst feeling. Not because I was hungover (though I was), but because I instantly regretted what had happened. I felt sick. And guilty. And sorry. I put some clothes on, rushed to bathroom and tried to figure out what to do while quickly showering. When i went back into the room and turned on the light, he woke up. All he said was "This is bad." I couldn't tell if he meant it's bad because he didn't know where he was, or because of what had happened. I apologized and started handing him his stuff. As he got ready to leave, he said, "All I wanted to do was go to a happy hour." I told him he ended up at my place because he lost his apartment keys (which was true, that's how we ended up at my place and not his). I walked him to the door. Before he left, he looked at me and smiled as if to say goodbye, and shook my hand while he half chuckled. Then he left.I've been miserable since. I feel so guilty. First off, I feel like Jim did something he probably would've wanted to consider soberly. I know if I was sober I wouldn't have asked him to kiss me, or taken him to my place, or taken a picture. I remember not pressuring him, so it's not like I forced him, but still. So I'm worried that he feels terrible about what happened. To him, he's probably ok with gay people, so long as he's not being labeled one himself (this may sound messed up to someone of, but really, it's babysteps with some people). He's my friend, and I would never do anything to cause a friend pain/anguish. What if he's worried about people at work finding out? I don't remember how discrete we were when we left. Apparently a coworker saw us leave together and drunkenly yelled "He's not gay, m073!" People talk. It makes me feel even more sick just thinking about it.Also, what if he hates me now? I've been expecting an email or something from him, screaming at me. I feel tense and in danger mode, in anticipation for some kind of contact from him. A thousand things are running through my mind as I try to mitigate the damage. Who could've seen us leave? How much does Jim remember of what happened? Should I try to contact him?I'm wondering if he doesn't remember any of it. Like I said, he's told us on several occasions that he's done crazy things while drunk that he doesn't remember the next day. It's possible he doesn't remember any of it. But what if other people do remember us leaving and they mention it to him? What if that sparks his memory? And even if he does remember, is that something that matters? What if he tells people? What if my boss finds out? Luckily, I'm off the project, so I won't ever see him or anyone else at the happy hour again unless I try to. Even if the whole office found out, is that a bad thing? I think it is, but I don't know.Really, communication is the solution here. Speculation is what is torturing me. For all I know, he remembers everything and is totally fine with it. The thing is, I don't want to talk to him about it, for risk of reminding him. I guess I'd rather assume he doesn't remember and just hope this all goes away. But that just traps me inside my own mind, free to imagine increasingly worse situations.There's something else that worries me. Sex has always had serious negative emotional baggage for me. I was brought up in a severely religious and conservative home. I was VERY in the closet, and even felt asexual. For me, sex felt so dangerous, even to think about, that I was in complete denial about my sexuality. Miraculously, I somehow overcame the brainwashing and left my upbringing. Yet even after coming out of the closet, sex still seemed overwhelming and frightening. For a long time, I wasn't even able to get hard with guys, I was in such a bad head space. It hasn't been until recently that I've overcome my negative emotions surrounding sex. Now when I see a guy, I don't feel guilt or fear, just unbridled desire (in an appropriate way), which is a big deal for me. Hooking up isn't terrifying anymore because I don't have to worry about "how I'll perform" or half a million other things. Now my body naturally responds to my attraction and it all feels so natural. I've finally reached a place where I can explore my sexuality in a healthy and fulfilling way. But not since hooking up with Jim. Now, I feel severely guilty when I see a guy. I instantly assume he's straight and I feel guilt. Go ahead and laugh, but Grindr was actually something good for me because it allowed me to explore my sexuality and be honest/proud with myself of being attracted to men. But now I can't even open the app, I feel so guilty about sex. I don't want to have undone all the hard work I've put in to getting to healthy place with sex. I was just starting to enjoy my sexuality, but now it seems undone.This is probably doesn't make sense, or even seem like a big deal. No one may read this, and I'll probably end up deleting this soon. Now I'm paranoid that somehow Jim or someone at the happy hour will find out about this post. I just feel very bad about the whole thing, and I feel like sex is now a bad thing again. I just wish the whole thing hadn't happened, and I don't really know what to do.