Dear R

Dear RI am confused right now. I am also quite tired. Our intellectual exchange tonight at Barnes and Noble really wore me out. Listen man, I don't know how much I trust myself on this, but I think you might be gay for me. Perhaps, I have just always been gay and in denial because I am starting to develop feelings for you and having you as a friend has provided the activation energy needed to stop denying it. The thing is that I have had feelings for many women and you are the only man out of all the guys I have hung out with that I have develop feelings for. Anyway, a few months ago you seemed so excited to tell me that gay marriage is federally legal like that had some relevance on our lives. Perhaps you were just excited for some friends. Tonight when we met at B&N, the first thing I did was show you the books I bought and the first thing you said was something sexual about the books. Now I am second guessing myself, but there was the time you asked to lay down on the couch beside me to watch me do yoga in the living room. There were several times that L said "Yall look cute" and part of me thinks she meant "together". It was odd that L was your B.F.F. She was best friends with a lot of the gay guys in college and she never really hung out with straight ones. Perhaps you were the exception. Also, the only time I have ever gone to a cuddle party was with you and that weirded me out since it was mainly dudes. I walked away from that party as fast as I could.I don't think I will send you this letter. Bro, I love you like a brother and an intellectual equal. I don't think I am gay, but if you happened to be, then I would be OK with it. The most likely outcome is that I would warm up to you. Again, perhaps this is just me being scared of coming out and I am trying to use you to help me come out. Either way I value our friendship more than being partners. I would be fine either way. Right now, I am honestly just confused.Yours, Could be gay throwaway