I keep having dreams about a friend who pushed me out of his life years ago, and i feel so sad waking up from them.

when i was 16 ( 22 as of writing this ), my friend ( lets call him Ryan ) kicked me out of his life due to the fact his current Girlfriend did not like that i was gay.Ryan had been my friend since childhood, we were pretty close for a good number of years. despite that, we use to argue alot about the stupidest things, based on our actions. i came out to myself at 16 after having lost a straight crush due to me being a jerk to him ( thats a WHOLE other story ). as such i was very confused about how i felt about everyone around me, including him. there was a period of time where we stopped talking due to this, as i was just angry about feeling the way i did about other guys. when we became friends again later that year, i did notice he has changed a bithe had gotten a girlfriend during that time who was kind of a bitch, but he was head over heals for her, so there wasn't much i could do. we kept being friend and i kept telling him about my new wacky gay adventures, while he dealt with extreme love issues. i really wish that i could say i was more of a help to him, but back when i was 16, i was very selfish and felt my issues were much more important. despite this, we were still very close, to the point where i even stopped by his place for my birthday in december, which was the last time we talked.on Xmas day of that year i wished him a merry Xmas to no reply. the next day i sent him another message to which he told me that he could no longer be friends with me, as his Girlfriend had gotten Jealous of our friendship together. i was pretty hurt by this, but made sure i didnt show it to him. around this time i had made some great new friends, so i put on my strong face, and told him that it had been nice knowing him, and that i would move on with my life.now this is typically where the story ends for most people, but not for me. years later, i've been feeling really guilty about what a terrible friend i was. i typically wish i could go back and right the wrongs i did as to maybe have been a better friend and to help him move on. i've grown alot since then, and am now alot better with the friends i have, and yet these memories still haunt me. i have tried a few times to get in contact with him, but he seems to have pretty much vanished online.now my friends have in fact been very supportive of me when it comes to this, telling me to move on and that my life is much better without him, and honestly this is true, i feel much more happy now then i did back then.but the thing that doesn't let me move on are the dreams. the dreams feel so damn real. their never sexual, god forbid that ever happened. but their always so fun. i always end up with my friend in a situation where we get to talk. we get to talk and we just are able to laugh with one another again. we get into a wacky adventure or something or we just finally have that talk where we both cry and smile. they always make me so glad... until i wake up. when i do, i realize none of that stuff ever happened, all the progress, all the joy, just seeing Ryan's face again. its all gone. i personally wish i could just meet up with him again, so this would stop. So i could move on. but they just keep happening at random times, and it honestly brings me down so much when i realize that this is never going to come true.i have been meaning to post this for ages, but honestly never had the courage too. its just gotten to the point where i need advice. i know hes a jerk for doing what he did. i've told myself that multiple times, but how do i get this out of my head?thank you for reading this.