Broke up with boyfriend last night, feel strange.

As the title reads.A bit of backstory, could be pretty long.We have been good friends for quite a while now, but recently started seeing each other more and more intimately. After a while though, I started having some trust issues with him, and him being very withdrawn into the whole "I can't understand peoples' feelings and I don't want to you understand me" mentality, this did not help me ease up at all. We talked about my trust issues multiple times, but every time we "solved" the issue, he would then just start acting and saying things that would make me suspicious he is not sincere with his words, as well as not wanting to be with me (be it because I am 15 years younger, be it because he preferred more bigger frame guys (I am slim but he is looking more into the average kind of body), be it because of reasons unknown).After a few heated days and nights chatting, I messaged him my true feelings, saying that I just really miss him and really want him happy. He lives not very far from me, but his job is making it hard to see each other often, but also making it hard for him to be gay, so it's kind of a "forbidden love" thing (maybe you can understand what his job is now).So after a while he messages me that all feelings have been gone from almost the start. That is were I started feeling sad. I would always ask "is there something wrong?" whenever I saw him sad and closed to himself, but I got a "no sweetheart, nothing is, I'm just really tired, that's all" as an answer.We talked for about an hour last night, trying to mend things back. He is very stubborn, like me, but doesn't want to fight for other people because fighting is not worth it. He started the whole "you gave me so much, for so little", which I assured him he gave me the best thing he could; to be here, with me. But he wouldn't listen. After that, I got a bit heated and starting trying to put back sense into him, that him being here and showing his affection was all I wanted. Then things got out of hand a bit more, me trying to show him that he isn't going to hurt me being here, but instead hurt me by not being there because of his stupid mentality. That's when he hung the phone on my face, and me receiving the last message "don't ever bother me again".Maybe it was my fault. But I believe it was both of us. I sent him one last message, saying that I will always think of him, and that I'll be waiting for him to relax and ease up. One last good night, kisses and hugs. He blocked me on every social media.The strange thing now. For some reason, I expected to be so heartbroken, that I could never heal up again, like I felt with two previous relationships which I can now honestly say that were not worth it (this is not my first relationship, but this has been my deepest and more affectionate). But instead, I feel kind of OK. I feel the sadness, that he is not here anymore, but also feel like a weight has been lifted off my chest. A bit after we broke up, a friend that knew about it called and said "let's go out", so we went out and just chatted around. Maybe this helped a bit. But I can surely feel some jealousy towards my now-ex. As if I'm sad because I, myself, cannot have him, and that someone else is going to be with him in my place. It also saddens me that I will bump into him occasionally due to me hanging around his work area, because I really, really love him and still have faith that we could work things out. I really love all my ex's, and wish them the best, whatever they did to me or me done to them. After I returned home, I just slept as if nothing had happened.I woke up a while ago, but feel a bit of weight in my heart now. I am not really afraid I will be left alone in life and such, I personally believe being alone is a personal choice. I just feel a weight, that I believe will gradually be lifted.So yeah, I really had to vent out a bit more. See what other people think of this situation. Maybe find some sound advice. English isn't my first language, but trying to make as much sense as possible. Thank you for reading :-)