History repeats itself

**get comfy guys, it's a long one lolSo my ex-boyfriend from a few years ago resurfaced recently.A "little" back story: we dated (I guess we'll call it that) on and off for like a year and a half. For whatever reason I was completely and truly hooked on him! He was essentially my world (cheesy, I know). I still don't quite understand why either, because he didn't treat me very well. I was often like an afterthought on the back burner, but dammit I loved him! :( anywho, one day he just flat out ghosted me! Shattered. Broken. Lonely. Depressed.Fast forward a little: we occasionally text for short periods of time. I wrote him a letter. We meet and he profusely apologizes for mistreating me. Says he was on a lot of [prescribed] meds. And we drift apart again.Fast forward x3: he randomly writes me a letter explaining the last 2 years and stating: (actual word for word excerpt) "...and I know for a fact, 100%, that I want to make more memories with you because you are the best person I have ever had the honor of meeting and making great memories w/. You stayed true and did not give up on me for a long time and always gave me more credit than I deserve. You deserve a prince charming to sweep you off your feet regardless if you would someday allow me to have the chance I've always wanted, was too stupid & immature to realize I had, to be the man you deserve. You deserve much more than what/who I am right now but say the word and I'll be there. With more love than you know, ******" yea.We talk it out. And because I'm a fool who loves him, I let him back in my life.And the darkness recedes. All is well with the world.Then POOF he's gone. Again. Finally got a 2 minute conversation from him today and he says I did something, some time, but won't explain. Just said "you're not the man I thought you were." REFUSES to tell me the "thing" and for the life of me I can't figure it out.So here I sit, Tuesday night, at the bar....oversized whiskey in one hand, mobile reddit in the other.Had to vent to other queers seeing as how I have precisely zero gay friends. Thanks for taking the time to read this friends!TL;DR: I fell in love with an asshole. He ghosted me. He resurfaced. He ghosted me again. I'm stupid....and drunk.