I'm having trouble accepting myself

I'll try to keep this as short as possible.I've known I was gay for a while. As a kid I learned through explicit and implicit messages that being gay was bad. People can tell someone's gay by what t.v. shows, books, music they like. By how they dress, talk, walk, gesture, etc. I was so scared people would find out I was gay that I never told anyone what movies, music, hobbies I liked. I policed my voice, walk, gestures.I essentially grew up without an identity. I wasn't strong enough to come out and just be myself. I'm 24 now and I feel like I've never had an identity of my own. I want to come out but I'm having a mental block.I feel like growing up I was encouraged by the people and culture around me not to develop my identity. I felt like they chose my identity for me. Now I feel like if I come out, I STILL won't be able to choose my own identity. When you come out, you just become that gay guy. "That's my gay cousin, my gay coworker, my gay friend, that gay kid in our philosophy course"I feel like any identity I form will always be secondary to the word gay and that fucking infuriates me. I know that I should only care about how I see me, that as long as I accept myself, it shouldn't matter how other people see me. Well, I can't accept that. I just want to be known as me, not as gay me.