How to Change Christians' Parents Minds about their kids' Homosexuality

I write this post because I've seen the same problem happen again and again when parents put their religion/faith/politics/whatever before their own kids. It breaks my heart, but there's a way that's more likely than not to solve the problem.So that you know I grew up in a conservative Christian household. I know what all of you guys are going through, or have gone through, or would go through if you came out. There are so many other people like you, and you're not alone. We're here, all of us, to help you get through it.This post will describe how to change Christian parents' minds about their kids' homosexuality. First, I'm going to tell you want not to do so that you don't accidentally step on one of the conversational landmines out there, and then I'm going to tell you how to get them to see the light.PLEASE NOTE: I am not here to minister to you. Just because this is what you say doesn't mean that you have to believe it. This ONLY is me telling you how to get through to conservative Christian parents who have gay kids. Some of this stuff is going to sound dumb, because how a lot of conservative Christians think about morality is dumb. Just bear with me.PLEASE ALSO NOTE: This is based on another post I made in response to someone else, but I wanted to leave it for all the rest of you guys who might be going through something similar.What not to do:I'm telling you what not to do for the reason that there are "conversational land mines" that I have seen ruin any hope of making progress in these talks, which consistently have the same effects. So, I don't want you to make the same mistakes that others have. Mistakes that others make are ones that reinforce you boyfriend's parents' already held prejudices.First, you should not, ever, say anything to the effect that you and he were "born that way." You know, and I know, that sexual orientation is innate, but conservative Christian evangelicals don't care about that. If they cared about that, they wouldn't have sent him to conversion therapy (witchcraft that it is).Second, you should not, ever, talk about scripture or anything like that. The whole "wearing clothes of different fabrics" or "eating shrimp" references from the old testament have no persuasive value when you're trying to get religious conservatives to change their mind. All they do is reinforce conservatives' views of left wing people as anti-Christian, because those arguments mock Christianity. So, don't do that.Third, do not approach the issue from the perspective that the conservatives are bigoted homophobes, or do anything that morally condemns them, because all that's going to achieve is cause them to make stupid arguments against homosexuality and further alienate them from their son. Read: if you morally condemn them, they will dig their heels in deeper than they already have, mostly, because that's what stupid religious bigots do when they're called out on their stupid bigotry.Fourth, watch your tone. This is--as perhaps you may have figured out from how I write--very hard for me because I even unintentionally come across as conveying the "you are stupid and beneath me" attitude to people I'm talking with, so I really have to be careful about that. This may or may not be an issue with you, but I have to strongly resist the temptation to go into the whole "you are disgusting people who are unabashed disgraces to Christianity" argument. Self righteousness, however, will do nothing other than further alienate them from their son/daughter.So, here's what you do:First, you've got to frame the issue in terms of the values that they understand and which matter to them: God's love, family, and forgiveness. That's the only way to do it that I have ever seen work, and I've seen this one hundred times if I've seen it once. You need to do it this way whether you're a Christian or not. The reason for this is because Christians only really understand moral reasoning in Christian "language" and they tend to reject anything other than such language.You have to get them to see how they must love their son whether they believe homosexuality is a sin or not, just as God first loved them. Just as they were born into original sin, so too was their son and they are no different. They are just like him; it's only that the kinds of sins look different. You then have to talk to them about how God calls on his children to love all people, without passing judgment on them. Just as they were created in God's image, so too was their son.The kind of love God requires of his children is unconditional, or "agape" (pronounced a-gah-pay) love. Agape love doesn't make distinctions on the basis of sexual orientation; it requires that we see people for who they are, and love them without reservation. This is why Jesus lived the life that he did, and Jesus's actions reflected that. Jesus was merciful, and he forgave others of their sins no matter how bad other people thought they were.Recall the instance where there was a village of people who wanted to stone a prostitute to death. Prostitution was punishable by death in the old testament; it was sexual immorality, as defined by biblical law. Jesus agreed that prostitution was a sin, and that the sentence for that was death by stoning. But then, Jesus said "let he who is without sin throw the first stone." Realize that Jesus was the only person without sin among the village, and yet he refused to stone the woman.You've got to communicate to them that we are called to live our lives as Christ lived his; to be merciful, and to forgive one another, and to empathize with others and their struggles.We have all committed some act of sexual immorality at one point in our lives; perhaps it was premarital sex, viewing pornography, or even lustful thoughts towards someone other than our spouse. All of those were sins, but all sins are equal before the eyes of the Lord because any one sin was enough to keep any person out or heaven. To sin at all is to be imperfect, and none are without sin.Realizing that we are all sinners by nature (because of original sin) and deed (because of the various sins we all necessarily commit throughout our lives) we must empathize with one another, as we are called to do by Jesus, which was demonstrated by Jesus' statement "let he who is without sin throw the first stone."Critically, Jesus DID NOT say "let he who has not committed adultery throw the first stone." He instead said let he who is "WITHOUT SIN" throw the first stone, meaning that the village had no right to condemn the prostitute, as they, too, were sinful. Judgment in accordance with BIBLICAL law, therefore, and condemnation, is God's right alone, not one enjoyed by man.So just as Jesus called on the village to forgive the prostitute, so too must you forgive your son, love him, and accept him for who and what he is, because like you, he is a sinner. He is also, like you, a child of God and was created in God's image. Just as you would have no right to stone the prostitute, neither do you have a right to condemn your son. Only Jesus did, and you will note that the only person who had the right to condemn the prostitute (Jesus) did not. In that you are called to be like Jesus, so too must you be merciful with your son.Now that you've laid the theological basis out, then you can talk about family:If Jesus would not even let members of a village stone a prostitute, and showed mercy to a person who was neither a member of his family nor someone even distantly related to him, what might he have done if that prostitute was his sister? If Jesus wouldn't have even stoned a stranger, he surely would have never stoned his child, if he had one!Family is everything, and was everything to Jesus. The relationship between parents and children was of tremendous significance in the bible; in both the old and new testaments. Even when a child has actively done something to harm every member in a family (e.g. the prodigal son), restoring that relationship and forgiving a son for his transgressions, and welcoming him back into the family despite what has happened is at the core of what it means to be a godly parent. For a parent to cast a child away, is not only to defy God's commands to parents that they love and care for their children (and, thus, to sin), but to repudiate the importance of maintaining the relationship between parents and their children.God does not call on us to put politics before our family, or theological confusion. He calls on us to be like Christ, to love one another as he first loved us: unconditionally; to forgive one another, and to preserve those relationships that are sacred without condemning one another as the village would have mistakenly condemned the prostitute or prodigal son.tl;dr you have to meet conservative Christian parents where they are, if you want to change their minds. Where they are is all wrapped up in a bunch of theological nonsense, so you've got to unwind the theological nonsense to get through to them. This post says how to do that.