Having trouble understanding these feelings

So to start off I will say that I have lived my life as a straight male my entire life even though I'd had two intimate interactions with males (one kissing, one fellatio) when I was very young, 10-12, trying to figure myself out and just entering puberty. Since then I have only been with women and never really had the desire to have any sexual relations with another male. I have never really seen other men as being attractive the way women are. That being that I have never seen men as sexually attractive but at the same time I fantasize about being in a perfect gay relationship. I would also like to state that I am not a child, I'm not going through puberty, so please don't give me the typical "puberty can be confusing" response. Not trying to sound aggressive. I'm a little confused by these feelings because I do not find men to be particularly physically attractive but at the same time I fantasize about being in a gay relationship. Just looking for other people's thoughts on this and maybe some advice, not really sure. Maybe I just needed it off my chest.