Chronic fissures. Need some support.

So a year ago I gave myself an anal fissure with a dildo. About a year and a half later I'm sitting here typing this, a 20 year old virgin. The fissure never healed and the doctors I've seen haven't been of much help. It's a vicious cycle of them telling me "it'll heal, but it'll tear open again as soon as you have sex." I've seen and read the same 15 results that pop up when you google "chronic anal fissure gay" over and over again. Nowhere have I read about any stories about gay men having sex post surgery (for the fissure). My life is practically devoid of sex. I've tried to top but it really, really just doesn't turn me on. I'm on antidepressants and still sad as hell because of a tiny, tiny tear. I know the topic is kind of taboo and gays don't like talking about them, whatever. I just need some sympathy or something lol.