Had a moment last night

So I'm just gonna pour out my emotions here. Last night I had some revelations about the state of my life and I kinda feel like it was a second coming out to myself. I'm 21 now and I started coming out to friends and eventually my father and sister at 18 as gay. I haven't told my mother yet (religious one) and I was just thinking that maybe it's a bit selfish to have my dad keep that secret still even if we don't usually talk about things like that. Who knows maybe he told her or she already knows. But still, it would suck to know that I told my dad and sister 3 years ago and not her.I've also been thinking about my mental state and why I feel depressed again considering I have a nice accepting group of friends and family surrounding me and I realized it's mostly myself to blame. I keep holding myself still from being my true self. I keep saying things to myself like "maybe when I lose weight I'll have the confidence to come out to everyone" or "when I leave the country and begin my life somewhere else I can be happy and live my life." I realized that I can't keep stopping myself from these things. My country may not be the most accepting (Caribbean) but it's safe enough in my circles to do as I want. I need to stop thinking of myself as lesser and start living. I've never been in a gay relationship and it's honestly because I was too afraid to put myself out there. I have gay friends and know a few couples and if they can live their life to the fullest so can I.As for right now I think my depression has lifted a bit and I'm going to try and work on myself in terms of confidence and keeping a healthy mind, diet and workout pattern to try and bring some kind of routine into my life and I'm going to focus on what's important to me instead of bringing up old negatives that have long passed.