Need help with a breakup from the man I still love

I feel like such a mess at the moment, I thought everything was fine but he suddenly said he had to end it because he wasn’t fine with being gay and he had mental health things to sort out.I just can’t get my head around why he has to go through everything alone, when I’ve been there for him through everything else. I almost wish he hated me so I could accept it and move on but instead he let me stay the night and got me food.I just don’t know how to move forwards, I don’t want to move on I want to be there for him again when he’s sorted himself out. I just feel like I have no control on my life at the moment, any advice for moving forwards?