What happened

What happened to my life? Like for real. The happy, full of hope teenager that believed he could make things work, that the people he cares about would care for him when he comes out is long gone, he 'died' in misery and pain and as it turns out his hopes were empty, I am still in the same awful place just as before but unlike then my hope is gone. I hate my existence. Wish my mom had had an abortion.