2018. május 23., szerda

did this affect my sexuality?

When I was 7 I sucked my friends dick (I'm also a guy). Back then I didn't know what sex was so it didn't seem wrong (neither of us were even hard) but I think it made a significant impact on my sexuality.It didn't feel sexual because I didn't have any sexual thoughts until I was 13. It was just a 1 off thing. I can't exactly remember how my family found out but needles to say it was really traumatising. My parents said it was okay but I shouldn't do it again (pretty good response). However my 2 brothers and my sister found out. They told all my cousins and together they teased me at every family gathering (at least 5 times a year, for about 5-6 years). I loved my cousins but before every reunion I heavily stressed over the impending ridicule. It was rarely more than 5 minuets of teasing and afterwards all of us had so much fun. which made It even more confusing.Now I'm 20 years old and I'm gay. It's taken me so long to finally confront my sexuality not because I was scared or ashamed but because i repressed it. And now I'm wondering if i subconsciously blocked any thoughts on me being gay because it connected me with that experience.Not sure if this post was a rant, a question or a story but i needed to write this down.

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