I am so frustrated

Hey, Long time lurker here, using a throwaway, I hope its okay to write this here, and sorry for the wall of text.I am a 18 year old kid from the US. I always thought that I was straight, looking back on it now, I think any attraction towards females was just me admiring their personality. Its weird to say this at 18, but I think I am having my first gay crush, that im allowing myself to.In October I asked a girl out to homecoming, and in the past 3 months I've gone through so much change in who I am, or it feels like that. I feel so overwhelmed and I dont know how to deal with it.I've always feared the judgment of others, thats why I have no friends, and I always hated the idea of being gay. As a kid, I somehow got it in my head that being gay is wrong, and I would be alone and miserable my whole life. I thought kids would hate me if I happend to be gay...Well here we are now.I'm not sure what kickstarted this whole "self identity crisis" but I met this boy in my class around the same time. I think he somehow made me realize things about myself that I refused to accept.Fast forward to now, today actually, For the first time ever I feel in love, I have butterflies in my stomach, a pressure in my chest, I cant think straight, cant focus, all I can think about is this kid.I feel happy and angry, I want to yell from the rooftops, but also cry. I don't know why. This is the first time I've felt anything but depressed in the past few months. I feel overwhelmed.The issue is, this kid doesn't know me, and I really don't want to out myself to the wrong person, and get hurt. Sure I'm about to graduate, but I would hate for other kids to know. Its so frustrating, its the first time I've ever felt this strong about someone, and I feel ashamed and guilty. Any advice, or motivational comments? I just wish I didn't have to deal with this, but its too strong to ignore.Thank You for reading, I'm really sorry for the wall of text, it means alot to get this out here. I've been trying to avoid these feelings for months and its making me miserable, I just want to be happy, Sorry for the malo-dramaticness.