My Silent Companion: HIV

This is the first time I address my struggle with HIV. It has not been simple and easy but I feel optimistic every single day. Life has been kind with me. Despite of the opposing views my parents have about homosexuality, they have been very supportive. They stood by me when I got really sick. They beard with me when I started taking my meds. They lent me a shoulder to cry on when I started to believe that there wasn't going to be a chance of a normal life for me. In other words, their support was my rock. My motivation to go on. Looking at my mom running from one to place to another to provide me with anything I need in order to continue being by her side was the most heartbreaking memory I have. I saw her get older by the day. She woke up in the middle of night to check on me. I spent some many night unable to sleep. He hugged me tight, comforted me, and prayed with me. But I thought back then and still think now that I let her down. It's not easy for a Christian woman to have a gay son, and the least easy is to have a gay son who is sick with something that everybody hates to talk about. On the bright side, our bond has grown stronger. We are closer and we just try to enjoy the company of each other.It is not a secret that having HIV is a life changer. I had to change everything about me. The way I motivate myself to go on. The way I look at thing now. I even had to think of which people I do really want to have by my side. Luckily, my friends have been very supportive. They have showed that society is changing and very fast. Of course, there are some acquaintances I haven't disclosed my status with, because I know there would be more than one question to answer and one less phone number in my contact list. However, those friends whom I have opened myself with taught the greatest lesson: real friends do really exist.I still fight with the fact that I need to very careful with everything about my healthy. Eating healthy. Working out constantly. And above all, being happy every day.I know my meds are helping in one way but they are also causing some other concerns. Perhaps it is still my doubts about my future, my life going back to normal, or the mere fact that we are wired to think about the worst outcome there might be.I sometimes think that I'm getting slow when it comes in my intellectual performance. I do also believe that when I speak my ideas are coherent enough to express a valid opinion about a sensitive issue. I am a English as a Foreign Language teacher, so these concerns are definitely affecting my performance at work.I don't know what to think. But I'm hopeful, at times, that everything will be just fine.I have a boyfriend who is very supportive. By the way, he is negative.The funny thing is that this is the first time ever I am really having a real relationship. He supports me. He accepts the way that I am. He enjoy when I goof around. He loves that I am older than him. I'm 36. He thinks that I'm the hottest guy.I just wanted to write this because there are times that you just need to say that people who are around would not understand, despite of the love and support they have. Inner doubts. Feelings of defeat.Thanks for reading this post. It was quick. I am waiting for some food. I apologize for any grammar error and incoherence i might have said.Thanks and take care!