In serious need of gay perspective.

First, there are 2 things that I would like to make abundantly clear (apologies for the caps, but in this case, I feel it's a necessary evil):I AM NOT CONSIDERING SUICIDE - AT ALL.I FULLY UNDERSTAND THAT TRANSITION IS EXTREMELY HELPFUL FOR SOME PEOPLE (EVEN ME). TRANS WOMEN (LIKE ME) ARE WOMEN. TRANS MEN ARE MEN. I HAVE NO INTEREST IN INVALIDATING OR INSULTING ANYONE.Second, I hope you don't mind me posting here. I think my post is gay-specific enough to be relevant to this subreddit, but I apologize if it's not.Third, here's what's on my mind:I'm a transgender woman (the "born-in-the-wrong-body" type). I have no doubt in my mind that I am a woman. Unfortunately, I have a male body, with which I'm very uncomfortable. After 7 years of social transition and hormone therapy, I feel I need to ask myself some difficult questions. IE, I feel I need to consider whether continuing transition is an adequate solution to my problem.At first, transition was a godsend. I had to do it to survive. I was truly miserable before I came out and socially transitioned. I lived in constant terror that someone would find out how girly (also, into dudes) I really am. To that end, I put a ton of energy into convincing everyone around me that I was 100% butch and completely into having sex with women, which I even tried once (yes, it was awkward and unsatisfying and I am sorry).Coming out was amazing. Suddenly, I didn't have to pretend anymore. It was liberating to know that my secret was out and the hormones really balanced me out. I was (and am) very happy with the moderate physical changes the hormones were able to induce (e.g., softer skin, less body hair, softer facial features).I pass pretty well usually; it's probably 60/40 and surgery could probably get it to 90/10 or so. However, as it stands, a lot of the people I encounter look at me with pure disgust (I shouldn't have to mention this, but I dress very modestly, as I don't like my body, and I try to look put together). I'm facing severe discrimination at work, even though I live in a big city in the Northeast and work for a "liberal" media company. I face discrimination everywhere. Have you ever been snubbed at a Banana Republic while wearing Givenchy and Balenciaga? I have. Even if I passed perfectly, I know that most people - even good people who want to be supportive - would, at least at first, be uncomfortable around me upon learning that I'm trans (THIS IS JUST WHAT THE WORLD LOOKS LIKE THROUGH MY EYES. I UNDERSTAND THAT OTHERS' EXPERIENCES MAY BE DIFFERENT). It's severely damaging to my career and, more importantly, it's tearing me apart inside. I don't want to be a leper.If I move forward with transition, I will probably never have a boyfriend/husband. For context, I'm 30 and I've never had a boyfriend. I've also never had sex with a man, though I've had a small handful of makeout sessions. I am lonely. Also, I have to wear a wig. I'm not really bald, but I'm too bald to pass without a hairpiece. I sincerely hate having to wear a wig, but if I'm super lucky, I can probably stop doing so in 5ish years. It's humiliating and demoralizing. Also, it means that I can't do things like exercise in public (I can't wash my hair every day), crash on a friend's couch (I can't sleep with my wig on), or go to the beach. I miss out on so much.I've had 3 primary motives to transition. First, I was driving myself insane by pretending to be something I'm not. As many of you might know, doing so can be debilitating. Second, it felt really isolating to be left out of a lot of female social interactions. Third, I hate my body.There are 3 reasons why I'm questioning whether continuing transition is right for me. First, the toothpaste is out. Second, I'm still isolated, because a lot of people still don't consider me a woman and are, in fact, just creeped out by my appearance (to be clear, I know a lot of amazing people who have been incredibly supportive and I'm grateful for them). Third, I'm not sure that I will be satisfied with even the best case scenario that current surgical technology can afford.In the meantime, I'm tying so much of my self worth (pretty much all of it) to the degree to which my body is female and perceived by others as such. I'm setting myself up to fail, all of the above mentioned problems will only increase as I get older, and I need to consider other options.Maybe I can tolerate living as a gay man. If I don't have to pretend to be super masculine and attracted to women - if I could be honest in my words and actions, if not in my physical form - maybe I could be OK. On the inside, I am a woman, but I have a male body. That's definitely a problem, but I don't think I'll ever be OK with my body, transition or not. Also, I think the people who matter to me will understand who I am anyway. In any case, I can't dictate how the world perceives me. It's very much unfair, but a lot of life is painfully unjust. I have to consider how I can best work with what I've been given (however unfair my situation may be). Maybe that means continuing with transition. Maybe it means detransition.Regardless, I need advice and I'd be very grateful to anyone willing to help. Feel free to PM me with any thoughts, too. This is a throwaway account, but I'll be checking it for a while. I know I'm the only one who can make this decision for me (and I'm going to take my time), but I need more information/perspective. Any thoughts are appreciated, but here are a few questions:-Is it offensive to you that a trans woman considers living as a gay male to be an option? Is that OK? I sincerely don't want to intrude and I'm tired of being an outsider, anyway.-Is there room in the gay community for a very femme man-looking-person who takes estrogen? Do you think it would be easier or more difficult than being a somewhat passable trans woman and trying to date straight men? For context, I could be reasonably attractive if I go through with the facial surgeries. Before hormones etc, I looked like a reasonably attractive man, though the muscles are gone and I don't want to bring them back.-How would you react if a trans friend or family member detransitioned?-Does anyone in the gay community, or anywhere, feel the same way I do (i.e., definitely trans, but dissatisfied with their options)?-After 7 years of obsessing over my transition and putting my friends and family through hell, am I a bad person for even considering this?Again, I respect other people's right to self-identify and transition. Some trans people don't have the option of going back - I get that. However, I might have the option (I honestly don't know yet) and I want to consider everything before I do something irreversible.