Help me: I am unhappy. I would like some advice...

Dear Reddit/gayI have been feeling down a long, long time and it has inflicted serious wounds on my self-esteem. If you allow me, can I have a little rant, and ask for advice? I feel like spiralling into a dark place with possibly negative consequences for my self-image and health and I do not won't to let that happen to me. I need help, however.Let me introduce myself; I am a 22 year old student, 186cm, 64kg, slim, except for a belly. Perhaps I might post a picture... Although that would make things a lot more personal. Introverted, yet enthusiastic and exuberant when I feel comfortable and safe with my surroundings. I started a PhD this year, but due several reasons, including academia politics, I fear I won't finish the PhD (yet don't feel too sad about that). I am a gamer at heart; I love Pokemon, Final Fantasy, Professor Layton, ... , addicted to reading and occasionally dare to write something (short stories to the occasional poetry). Creativity runs through my veins as I also like to compose songs on my guitar, although, admittedly, it has been a while since I picked it up. I also love helping people, mainly by providing supplementary classes when they require it. I once thought of going for a nursing degree, but by the time I got that idea, I had already completed my bachelor in Literature and Linguistics. I also 'teach' English at a language summer campNow, the dating situation: I started dating around the time I was 19. I tried Tinder and all its close relatives and I usually match with some guys, but for some reason they never respond back when I say hi. When they do reply back and we do meet up, I only get one date and then I never hear from them ever again. I try to give everyone a chance. In the end, I want to find someone who can be my best friend and with whom I can have a great laugh with. Yet, no luck.I have never dated one person for longer than a month because they always came with the same excuse: 'it is getting too serious' 'you aren't my type' 'I don't see this working'I never saw any reason why they would say this as I feel the dating went fine.So eventually I started thinking that something must be wrong with me. Is it my body? I am too skinny-fat? Am I simply too ugly? Do I dress the wrong way? Am I dull? And so on.Then I made the step and made an account on Grindr - where I was welcomed by perfectly sculpted bodies, fit men looking for hook-ups and I felt incredibly out of place with my silly Star Wars reference as my opener. I don't have to body or the mentality to go on Grindr. I want something lasting There was one guy on Grindr, a professor at a university, who took interest in me, but I believe his interest only pertained to what was in my pants given his tone in his messages.I try to make this post as clear as possible, but find it difficult. What else can I say? I feel exhausted, trying to date again and again, only to never go on that second date; seeing friends get boy and girlfriends, some even getting married or pregnant, and here I am, still alone, never even had a boyfriend or someone who just simply said he loved me. I always though Bridget Jones was being a bit overdramatic when she said she might get eaten by Alsatians, but too be honest, she might not be so wrong... They say Mr Right is there when you aren’t looking, but I have stopped looking and he still didn’t show. I tried to adjust myself to the gay dating scene: tried to diet, currently around 1000 calories a day, but I feel horrible, started working out, but I don’t get visible results and that further ‘bummed me out’. Furthermore, looking at my gay friends (all of them fabulous body, it is amazing), I start to feel bad about everything I do, for example, now when I actually do eat something that is a treat and not a protein shake, rice cake, fruit or whatever concoction helps to boost whatever it is it needs to boost, I start to feel sick and guilty because I am not trying my best to look the best I can. I know this is not healthy, but I also realise I might not get a guy if I am not desirable. I am at the end of my wits… I could really use some advice.