Proud

I was in love with a guy I'd known in high school. I didn't have an easy childhood to say the least. I was beyond cynical and trusted no one. My first day at school, he introduced himself to me with a big smile on his face and it made me feel so warm. I hadn't felt that way in a while. I watched him and he was so well liked because of how welcoming and kind he as. It wasn't long until I fell for him. I spent all of high school and some years after wanting him to feel the way that I did. One day, I went out clubbing, got drunk, and messaged him on Facebook. I told him how I felt and went to sleep. I woke up the next morning embarrassed but expectantly. There was nothing. I went out to breakfast and was in line before I heard the ding on messenger. I opened it and read anxiously. He was flattered but rejected me. He was straight. I'd known this of course but couldn't avoid telling him. Something inside wouldn't allow it. I was sad for days before I realized something. I never thought I'd ever tell him how I felt. I didn't think I could ever be honest with anyone that way and yet I did. The boundless pride I felt helped me to grow past the hurt. Even now when I feel bad about it, it is quickly replaced with of feeling of pride and self confidence that will always be worth it.