I'm in love with my straight roommate

I should start by saying, this isn't some sex fantasy or "Dear Penthouse" submission. This is, unfortunately, my life at the moment. I just needed to get it off my chest. I like guys and girls, but with him around, all I can think about is being close to him.My roommate and I went to high school together, and even though we played soccer on the same team, I wouldn't have called us friends. Back then he was a bit of a dick, and we rolled with different crowds.Fast forward 8 years, I find myself in China, living and working as an English teacher. What do you know, he's been in China for 2 years already and we connect over Facebook. He even came and stayed with me in my city for a bit. I remember seeing him and thinking, "Wow. He's changed...he's cute."Back in high school he played ice hockey, so he was bigger, a little more muscular, a little thicker in general. Wore Hollister and such, as we all did at that time. Now he had really slimmed down. He'd grown his hair to shoulder length and had a beard. He looked like a traveller.More than anything, though, was his personality. Gone was the cocky teen athlete, replaced by the most generous, loyal, and understanding person you could ever meet. You see, he'd suffered with addiction after high-school, moving out west in a whirlpool of bad decisions that led him to meth. He'd returned to his family broken, needing help, and because of their love, he was able to find himself again.We became really good friends. He returned to the US before I did, but once I got home we did a portion of the Appalachian Trail together. Events transpired, and he was accepted into a really good school to finish his undergrad before going to med school. He wants to be a part of Doctor's Without Borders.Yeah.My job is remote, so we decided to be roommies. At the time I thought it was a good idea. Sure, I had an attraction to him, but "he's my friend first, so it won't become a problem," is what I told myself. Plus, he knew that I had recently come out as bi, and it wasn't even a thing. He and his family actually helped me deal with my first gay "break-up".The issue is, of course, that the more time I've spent with him, the more I've fallen for him. He's super cute, and now has an earring and a little almost Padawan-esque braid (he had to cut his hair after getting lice from his niece). He's super slim but not emaciated, and walks around in these grey sweats all the time that show absolutely too much for me. He's got these beautiful green eyes with full lashes, and these wonderful laugh lines that dominate his face when he laughs, which is hilariously more a giggle than anything else.Besides the physical attraction, though, I'm even more attracted to his spirit. He's fiercely passionate about the preservation of the Earth, and because of him I've developed a habit of using reusable shopping bags, or going out of my way to pick up litter while I'm out. We even compost. While everyone will ignore or turn away from a homeless guy that asks for some cash or a cig, he stops to give and chat, cause he was that person at one point. I've said before, as a extrovert I'm good at interacting and making conversation, but he does it out of genuine love.I find myself thinking fondly of all his small little mannerisms:The way he doesn't really sit on a couch, as much as he perches by bringing his feet up on the seat with him.The way he draws out the word fuck, saying "Fuuuccckk yeah!" when I ask him if he wants something, especially if it's dark chocolate.The way he'll start salsa dancing when we put on Marc Anthony, cause he took an Intro to Latin Dance last semester.The way covers his mouth with his hands when he giggles.The way he'll stubbornly do something, even after realizing that he was wrong about it, but smile through it the whole time.The way he prioritizes his family above all else.The way he blushes and purses his lips when he realizes something he doesn't understand is actually quite easy to.The way he'll suddenly get serious about a subject after we've been sarcasticly joking with each other, often leaving me laughing because it's such an abrupt change.The way he smells musky, but sweet, even after smoking a cigarette.Yeah...as you can see, I've got it bad. Most people where we are assume we're a couple, and we joke about it when asked. I've been on a few dates here and there, as has he, but I can't really think of someone else right now. He envelops my mind, and I want him to.I know he doesn't feel an attraction to guys like I do, even though he's more than willing to acknowledge a guy's attractiveness, and even said he drunkenly made out with a guy in Italy back in the day. If that's something he can do, I suppose there's always the possibility that even if he was curious, he's just not attracted to me. I know he really loves women, though, and they love him back. Probably for all the same reasons I put down.So I'm planning on moving to New York. I can't reconcile my feelings for him, so I think I've got to leave in order to learn how to live without him. Being with him would be incredible. I mean, I'd marry him. I'd be 100% content and happy to spend the rest of my life with this incredible human being. I already feel like we're a couple at times, just the way we love doing so many of the same things together, but I crave a physical intimacy that's unfair of me to want from him. So I'll move, and I'll hope to meet someone who can inspire such love in me like he has.