I’m in love with my best friend.

I know posts like this are a dime a dozen here, but I need to tell someone and get this off of my chest.I’m a closeted gay guy (24) and had up to this point never told anyone that i was gay. I have a close group of 3 friends and we hang out almost every day and usually once or twice a semester we have a “Drunk Night” where we will drink, play cards, and watch movies. We end up drinking a little more than usual and had joked about watching Brokeback Mountain and so we started watching it. Two of my friends immediately pass out and it’s just me and my best friend sharing a couch. I had seen the movie before and it tears me up every time I watch it, so I start getting emotional, sniffling, and tearing up. He scoots closer to me gives me a hug and I rest my head on his shoulder and hug him back. I spill my guts to him tell him that I’m gay and I’ve never told anyone. He’s patting and rubbing my back and I’m hugging and rubbing on his chest and we just sit that way for the rest of the movie and one more movie just cuddling. He doesn’t seem to mind me rubbing on his chest and he isn’t pushing me away. He tells me he wasn’t sure if he was straight until late in life and he’s only been with one girl his entire life. (He’s still with her) And then the night ends and he goes home. Being held by him was one of the safest and best feelings that I have ever had. I was on top of the world.Then a few months later, we are playing cards and the same friend as before stays over to finish a movie we were watching the day before. I had been drinking whiskey, a little more than I should have, while he had very little to drink. We start the movie and I plop down next to him and immediately put my head on his shoulder and hold his hand and he is ok with that. Then I slip my hand under his shirt and start rubbing his chest and he is ok with that. So I’m thinking if he is ok with this... does he want me to go further? So I start sliding my hand downtown and then things fall apart. He asks what I’m doing and i just kinda shrug (I’m pretty drunk) and try again a little while later and he tells me to stop and that he can’t and it’s not because I’m gay it’s that he has a girlfriend. So I stop and try to put my head back on his shoulder, but he gets up and doesn’t sit back down for the rest of the movie and leaves after the movie is over. I pushed it too far.That was almost half a year ago now and I tried to talk to him about it soon after it happened but he doesn’t seem to want to talk about it other than saying he loves me, but as a friend and that he’s sorry if he did anything to lead me on. But now when I’m around him, I can tell things are different sometimes. Nothing big, just subtleties. Some times when we are together things seem back to normal, but like this past weekend when his gf was visiting and we were all hanging out he practically shuns me, maybe saying 2 words to me the whole night, which killed me.Ever since that first night my feelings for him have only grown instead of fading even when I wish that they would go away. Seeing him with his girlfriend kills me, but I have to act like everything is ok. It eats away at me from the inside and I’m afraid soon there will be nothing but bitterness left.I’m trying to stay friends with him and keep my own emotional sanity. I don’t want to cut him out of my life because he is my best friend here and I don’t know what I would do if he were out of my life.Does anyone have any advice or words of wisdom for this poor love struck fool?