Birthday (upset rant)

Well today’s the day. 22nd birthday. Another year older. Don’t know why I’m typing this, just woke up in an upset mood. Im still fairly young birthdays are usually suppose to be a happy thing, right? Not for me it seems like every year I just get more and more upset about my birthday. Why? Because I’m another year older, closer to death, and still have no one to be with. It started with my 15th or so birthday, “maybe I’ll finally be able to find someone to date!” Which would make me happy at the thought, but then no. It wouldn’t happen. It would just be the start of another year alone. That’s been my birthday damn near every year since.Expectations of finding someone, despite me being overweight, not the most attractive, with mental illnesses I try to hide but can’t, and then being let down when I have another birthday the next year, go through the exact same, trying to find someone and NONE of it working. Use tinder? Well of the 20 people I’ve matched with in 3 or so years, none of them respond to any of my messages. I feel so empty inside and alone it just makes me angrier and more upset. Started smoking weed almkst 2 years ago but only masks my sadness doesn’t get rid of it. By this point I’ve missed having a highschool relationship, never gone to prom or homecoming or anything, and am about to miss having any college relationship. I just feel like I’m so far behind my friends and everyone. My closest friend is almost 19, and has been dating the same girl since like 16. Why is it to much to ask for a simple young and fun relationship? Just having sex with someone I love while smoking bud and playing video games? That would make me the happiest person on the planet. But no. It’s my birthday and all I’m doing is crying here in my bed, next to my dog which seems like he’s the only one in the world who loves me unconditionally. No matter what I just feel too unattractive. The jokes on them too because none of them probably even realize I’ll be inheriting $50+ million dollars and could give them lifelong monetary security, if we’d stay together. But I’d also give up all that money to find someone who actually wants to be with me.Just wanted to rant here.