relationship trouble please help im a bit of a naive guy PLEASE TELL ME HOW STUPID I AM

i think boyfriend is using me and cheating onbackground: im a 25yr old bigger bi-guy living in the country in the midwest, im relatively good looking and am really down to earth. I met harry on grindr back in may, now he is a real cute 22yr old fem/otter/jock type and we really hit it off with each other. i would drive the 45min to visit him at work, hangout in the park or i would take him out to go see movies and what not. it was always a genuinely good-time, we would laugh, talk, kiss, and do some fooling around. well as the summer drew to a close he started going back to college and getting really bogged down with homework. so i invited him over to my house (we both still live with our parents) to help him write papers. Having already graduated with a BA i knew how to do it. he would come over every other week or so, we would work on the paper (meaning i write it) then if there was time watch a movie and cuddle ourselves to sleep after i gave him a full body massage. i only blew him one and ate him out another timetime has gone on like that and all the while ive begun developing feelings for him. anytime i would bring it up however i would always get brushed away or asked "why isnt what we have good enough" or the more rude incarnation "what do you bring to the table". even tho it hurt to hear that, ive persevered, hoping maybe i might be worth it to him. well last Week i ask harry out on a date to go see a show in the city and meet my best friend (a big moment for me). the day comes and i pick him up at his house and we proceed to have a wonderful time out. he got alittle too drunk at the end of the night and i kinda had to take care of him but i didnt care. i texted him a bit of a cheesy heart felt poem the next day about how i feel about him, and all he could respond with was callousness. so i ask him straight up if he could see us being together. he replied that he was busy right now and would call me later but never did. well my suspicion about him had been running high at the moment, so i downloaded grindr and searched for his type, sure enough there he was in a picture he took of himself the night we went out. so i gave him the benefit of the doubt maybe he is just on there to chat and make friends. so i grab a picture of the type of guy he is into and upload it to message and ask him of he hooks up and replied yes. horrified i delete the app. i mean we have been dating for a long while now and i got rid of the app awhile ago and havent been with anyone because i feel for him. so i confront him about it and he responds with more silence and platitudes about chilling out and that he paid for the subscription and what not. so my heart let out and i forgave him . And i officially ask him out in mid December (he said that we were never official even tho we have been on countless dates up to this point). now we haven't even touched each other in a long while. and everytime i would go in for a kiss or anything i would always get brushed aside. so that causes more problems that i keep telling him to correct over. its mid january and we decide to go out on a date and i tell him to pick a spot, he literally chooses the most expensive restaurant in the tri-county area and i only make 11.71 an hour. i didnt know it untill i got there that it was so expensive, i trusted that he would be aware enough to choose somewhere else with my financials in mind. any way the date goes on i tell hik i cant afford the place and we got to pick some cheap stuff on the menu (still cost 150) afterwards we go to an expensive mall to window shop and all i hear from him is buy me this buy me that, so i get fed up with it and call him out to which he barely responds, but we somehow shrug it off and end up at my place which to my surprise was empty (so i think to myself well maybe i might get laid....wrong) he becomes an absolute dead fish only wanting to watch wendy williams and atlanta house wives, so i tell him its time to go we head back and i speak not one word in the car ride home. worst date ever.well my heart pulled at me and we meet up again and he apologised for how he was and tell him how worthless i feel because he hasn't even touched me in three months and i told him i feel that way because i loved him. fast forward to this past Monday before valentines day he invites me over to his friends house where they are doing alittle drinkn and having fun (first time ive ever met his friends) well i drink his friends under the table by the end of the night bc they cant hang like i can and it was just me and harry alone and i kept trying to talk to him about us or cuddle with him on the couch but he just kept pouring himself into his phone or pulling away. I SNAPPED i snatched his phone and finally start yelling at him for being such a distant ass, well he gets his phone back and immediately leaves, his friend was woken up outta his fat drunken stuttering stupor and tried to calm me down but he lets it slip that him and harry were sleeping together and that harry fucked him earlier. I HAVE NEVER CRIED AND RAGED AO HARD IN ALL MY LIFE. i start driving (stupid almost wrecked 8 yimes) harry calls me im now screaming and crying that he fucked him but never me and i was the one who loved him, he kept denying it saying the other guy was jealous of me, we finally stop talking for the night and i cry for 15 hours straight...the next day i get a call from harry like nothing happened and i demand that if he cared about me he would come down to my house amd straighten this out, well he said he couldn't bc he had a nail and hair appointment he couldnt miss with a friend (TO WHICH I WAS APPALLED THAT WOULD RISE ABOVE HIM DEALING WITH WHAT HAPPENED THE NIGHT BEFORE). but i persevere and meet up with him this past Tuesday night before valentines. i demand to see the texts between him and his friend and his grindr and tinder messages and i get stonewalled by him saying why dont you trust me to which i respond by repeating the events and him dismissing it as jealousy. so i make him make a choice either stay with me and love me or delete my number. he choose to stay and told me he loved me. ok so now Wednesday, valentines day, we meet up at that high falutent mall and i drop 183 dollars on him for his gift to which i told him that i will give it to him when he comes over that night ( we had planned to finally have sex that night but i wanted to wrap his present and to make sure he was coming over i wanted to hold on to the expensive gift (he got very upset by this).he later described how he felt like it was some type of business deal and that he wanted to break up ( he wasnt really wrong but he has a history of not following thru) so i deny and tell him i was going to cook a steak dinner and wrap it for him that there was no bs involved he lamentes and came over that nightvalentines went beautiful! he came over ate the food read my card i wrote out we kissed and told each other we loved eachother then we smoked some weed danced alittle to music he laid down and i started giving him a massage, thinkn ok finally its about to happen omg....HE STARTS TO FUCKING PASSOUT ON ME! so i start pretty much begging hardcore over his im tired protests till he finally says ok he fucks me soooo good omg i loved every second of it, i was so enthralled with him i told him cum inside me bareback and he did and i had one of the best orgasims of my life, as he slumps on me i tell him i love him againthe rest of the night was spectacular he had to work in the morning so he had to leave i kissed him goodbye and told him i loved him againwell the day after (yesterday) i was afterglowing sooo hard i texted him some lovey dovy stuff and went to go meet him at his work and hangout and just be by him . i leave we tell each other we love each other again then later on that night i text him how i want him again soo bad that he made me feel soo good to which he responds by saying i was too needy and he thinks we should be friends i call him and text him telling him not to that i was sorry if i made him uncomfortable but he really hasnt given me a straight answer to where we are at right nowsooo thats where i am at today folksgive me feedback