I Just need to write this down somewhere.

Hey everyone, just wanted to get some thoughts written down, I'm feeling quite bad at the moment. I can't come to terms with my sexuality, and I just feel so ashamed whenever I think about the fact that I could be gay. I'm in high school, and whenever I see an openly homosexual person I just feel so envious. Sometimes I dream about that one day where I could just wake up and embrace who I am, but then I get hit with a dose of reality. All my friends are straight, and often make jokes about people being gay. I just laugh and play along, I don't know what to do. A few years ago, I slept with another man. It was a bad time in my life, I was in an edgy drug phase. Anyway, after it happened I immediately became embarrassed and destroyed our friendship. Over the next couple months I tried to keep it on the down low, but then that kid started telling people. I just ignored it, or convinced people it was a lie. It fizzled out, but some people already knew. They were kind enough not to say anything, and I'm grateful about that. Until a few months ago, everything was going fine. Then one of my closest friends started hinting at what happened, laughing, knowing that it made me uncomfortable. He would stop whenever nobody laughed, because nobody ever really found it funny. Tonight, him and another friend decided to come over and stay at my apartment for the night. We just joked around for hours, until it was time to go to sleep. We couldn't decide what to watch on Netflix to fall asleep to, so I just started picking dumb stuff as a joke. I guess this was making my friend mad, because all of a sudden he just started making all these passive-aggressive references towards me being gay. He's been taking more shots at my sexuality than usual lately, but I couldn't believe that he could be so cruel over something so trivial! He then went a step farther, and essentially outed me in front of my other friend, who just sat there listening the whole time! I don't know what to do, I know this sounds like bs high school drama right now, and it probably is, but I'm legitimately so afraid that he's gonna tell other people, and I can't stop him. I feel like he's ruining my opportunity to come out on my own terms, all because he's homophobic! Now I'm laying in bed at four 30 in the morning writing on Reddit. If there's any advice you can give me, it would be greatly appreciated. I messaged his weird stepdad on Facebook for a joke, since it's four in the morning. That really doesn't count as revenge, I just found it funny. Anyway, if you read all this, thanks for listening.