The monster in the closet

It's raining today, I cried as hard as each drops is falling in my own car. I hate myself for loving a man, but I cannot love a woman. I can't tell my parent because growing up, they were extremely homophobic. It's sad. Both my parents are always judging and making comment about disowning their own child if they ever found out he was gay. I've grew up like that, homophobic until I was a sophomore in high school, that's when I realized, I love this guy. So much so we would make out during lunch behind buildings. At first it feel gross, but I realized that it is who I am. I am gay. I can't bring myself to tell my parents that. They've worked too hard to put me where I am at, I'm their hopes and dream. The one that they sacrifice so that I could have mine, they don't even ask me to follow what they want me to study, just as long as I study what I like. But these day, I feel burn out. My wings is on fire, I'm lonely and I'm falling, I cried everyday in my car because it's so lonely. I wanted to talk to my parents Some time but I can't, I wanted to talk to my family but I can't, and most of my friend already got enough shit on their plate it's highly unusual that they would even consider listening to me. In moment of desperation I used grindr, then I met him. He was not perfect, but in my eyes he was. We went out on a date. It feel so good to feel loved once more. We ended with a kiss, and planning of future date that is too far away. I'm afraid. Im afraid if I text him too much i might scare him, but if I text him too little he might not care. I'm scared of everything, I'm scared of going back to that hole of loneliness. I'm scared. Please help me. What should I do? So that we may keep dating. [I text him but he usually replied like 4 or 5 hours later]