Just need to get some thoughts out of myself

Please try to bare with me here - I’ll provide some context. Also, apologies if this doesn’t belong here since I consider myself bisexual.I am in my early 20’s and honestly am sort of confused about my sexuality. The reason being is that I’m attracted to girls my age, but I’m also attracted to older men, preferably 45 and older.Now, I know the first reaction is that I’m bi-sexual, which I do consider myself that in a nut shell.. however, I wasn’t always like this.Back when I was around 11-12 years old, I was spending time with a friend of mine a lot (same age as me). Obviously the raging hormones from puberty were prevalent and what not, and I remember one night during a sleepover we started comparing our penis sizes and what not (back then I saw nothing wrong with that, and I didn’t have any feelings for him or feel attracted to that or anything). But he coerced me to perform oral sex on him, and I did. I don’t know why I didn’t say no back then but I went ahead and did it. He convinced me because he said that his other friends had done the same, and all of them enjoyed it. I was mentally not in a good spot back then, and didn’t have the self confidence to say “no”. Granted, I ended up enjoying it a little (I also blame my raging hormones for wanting to have sex so badly), and we had done it probably 3 other times within a short span of time. My friendship with him started to fade and these days I don’t even talk to him. We’re out of each other’s livesBefore then, I was only ever attracted to women. I had never looked at a man and felt attracted to him. But after that experience, for some reason I started to feel attracted to specifically only older men, with a hairy muscular build. Never boys my own age. I’ve never been attracted to them. I don’t know how my experience with my friend could’ve yielded that attraction, but somehow it did. (Although, personally I think older men are charming, their confidence, their bodies drive me wild, and overall I love how wise they are and always have great conversations.. but that’s a different conversation for another day, lol.)I’m saying all of this because I’m not sure if I truly was 100% bisexual. I don’t know if it was hidden deep inside of me and those experiences with my friend at the time brought it out in me, or if those experiences never happened if I would ever feel this way about older men. I don’t know if any of you have had similar experiences that sort of brought this out of them, or if you knew from the get go when you were younger that you were gay/bisexual and didn’t need an experience to further prove that.I’ve never spoken to anyone about this, and I’m honesty a closeted bisexual because I don’t know how to tell people about that attraction that I have. I still play it off like I’m straight, and I’ve never hooked up with any other male since then. I’ve been afraid to hook up with an older man because of the countless stories I’ve read up on online with people getting murdered etc. I have a hard time putting my trust like that in a complete stranger (it also doesn’t have to do with specifically men, I haven’t ever hooked up with a woman either). Part of me feels like I should indulge in that to see if those feelings of attraction are genuinely there since it’s been over 10 years since I’ve done something of that nature with a man.So, in a nut shell, with all of this said I was curious if anyone has had a similar experience with their sexuality? If maybe I should see a sex therapist about this at all since I was very young at the time of the occurrences and wasn’t completely okay with it at the time, or if maybe I just genuinely had these feelings all along and they were just hidden deep down.