Gay/str8 relationship? help me understand.

For 4 yrs I’ve been very close to a str8 guy. He’s 25, I’m 41. We don’t interact like “friends” I kiss his neck, cheek, forehead, rub his back, touch his thighs, touch his butt. Most times he is open/receptive, then other times he jerks away. We go on weekend trips together, and vacations. We sometimes share the same bed, I give him massages. I help him out around his house, cook for him and I am the first person he calls when anything happens in life. We seem to connect on a whole other level, both admittedly. We talk of the future as “we” and “us” and talk about moving out of state together. He has admitted deep feelings for me and said more than once that he was open sexually, but then at other times he contradicts that, saying he’s not gay. People usually think we are a couple when we are out together. I’m just confused because I know I love him. On Valentine’s Day he said he was not celebrating this “stupid day” I had a little gift for him, expecting nothing in return. He said he didn’t want to celebrate it. I went ahead and took his gift over, he thanked me, we had a nice hug and I left. I was not upset at all. Saturday rolls around, I go to pick him up for a weekend getaway. He seems kinda down. He proceeds to tell me that he spent all night depressed and listening to music on Valentine’s Day, after I left because he felt that he treated me bad, and felt guilty. He then says we could’ve went out to celebrate on Valentine’s. I don’t understand. Does anyone have any thoughts on this situation? He says he’s never been w a guy, and has been in relationships with girls since I’ve known him.