Dating

I'm 22/m/5ft6. I've recently found out I was someone's side piece. I've only ever dated (nothing official) 2 guys and This is the second time this has happened to me. Each time they make me feel loved but then they tell me they're making it official with another guy. Each time they mention my appearance and how I'm ugly but they can see past that (paraphrasing). And my other gay friends only hit me up when they're horny. why are gays so shallow ? Is this what it means to be gay? To be alone?Thrown aside for a younger hotter guy and only good for one thing ? So tempted to just leave the LGBT behind and live my life pretending to be straight.