Looking for someone to talk

I have written this message many times and have deleted. I am in my mid twenties and I am married. I have always thought of myself as a straight man and never even thought of the possibility of being with a man.2-3 months ago I was watching tv and a man on the tv really turned me on and I can't seem to get the thought of my past experiences off my mind. I have always wanted to befriend gay men and even secretly wanted them to think of me as attractive. Just looking for a friend to talk with and not to be judged.