It's not you, it's me. Seriously.

We were supposed to be married next month. I can remember it as if it were yesterday on July 26th when we sat in your pick up truck and the man who had my heart asked me to marry him. It seemed so beautifully reeling. We had been through so much together and I felt like I proved them wrong. My "semi closeted" boyfriend was going to make a change for me, to stay for me, to stay with me for us. 8 months later and I just saw you for the first time a week ago. I've spent the past week thinking about if what I did was right. When I got into the back seat of the car the silence between us was so silently powerful, the overwhelming awareness of not knowing what to say to each other was thick. We drank some and you told me you missed me, we drank some more and I told you I was confused and that we couldn't speak anymore. I cried that night because I just wanted you to hold me the way I thought you would, wrap your leg around my body the way you used to. I wanted to listen to you breathe without fearing you were leaving. You begged me to keep you in my life but as you pleaded I stared into your eyes and I saw myself. I saw the pain from codependency I felt years ago before you, the desperation, the need to escape your own mind and emotions. I'm sitting in my living room now. Writing this down and wondering if what I did was right. Letting you go so I can move on without having you influence my every decision. Moving on because I have to let you go. I cannot make you love yourself. You cannot make me love me. But when I looked into your eyes and saw me looking back at myself I knew it was time. I love you but is time I let us go, expectations are never reality and it is time for us to grow. Because no matter how far we may grow apart, we will continue to grow in ourselves because there will be no hinderance from the hope of love lost from a pair of broken hearts.