I'm lonely and need to share

Here’s my situation I’m 23 almost 24 and still struggled by my homosexuality like a 15 teenager. until my 20’s I just ignored the problem, even though I knew it was here. one time a friend ask me if I was gay, I felt like he could be as well and we were close friends so I answered with honesty. He came out to me and we talked a lot about it and we started dating few days after, this has last for 6 months. We could think that was nice time but it was actually the beginning of the worst moments in my life. It was the first time I told someone I was gay, and it’s like everything became real and I couldn’t handle it, hopefully he was here to make me feel a little bit better. At the end of this 6 months I left Paris (where I live) to study abroad, him and I agreed to keep the relationship going when I would be back. So during the 13 months I was away we kept in touch, I was still feeling sad, and unhappy, and lonely, I couldn’t completely enjoy being abroad, travelling, meeting new people etc. When I came back I figured out that during this year when I was away he came out to everyone and he was dating a friend that we have in common, I was devastated, not only because I lost him but also because he didn’t tell me anything. That bring us to September 2015, after that he completely left me over and I felt into loneliness, because he was the only person I could talk with. He still tried to help me a bit by making me talking to 2 other friends, I guess that was good for me but mostly for him so he could discard of me. today I’ve been able to tell everything to one of these 2 people, but I don’t see her that much and I don’t wanna be a responsibility for her, so it’s basically someone who knows but not someone who is here when I need it. last January I had the chance to get explanations, he kinda said he was sorry for what he did, I am glad I could let him know how I feel about it and at the end we agreed that it was better not to talk and not to see each other anymore. Now he lives in an other country so it makes it much easier not to see him. but here is the point : I’m still thinking about him, and still mad at him, every single day I’m a little bit more lonely than the day before, I can’t tell my secret to anyone else, also I don’t have that many people I could tell it, I feel that I’m loosing my friends one by one, I can’t handle big groups of people or big parties cause it makes me feel bad and sad. I’ve tried tinder to meet people but no success, I’ve seen psychologists but I feel it’s useless. Now I’m tired to hide and lie and to pretend being someone else, but on the other hand I’m not brave enough to get out of this. I feel stuck into an endless circle, without any solutions. I feel so lonely that most of the time I can’t sleep and when I wake up I just feel it’s another day too much. My life is meanless, and is a pain.I don’t expect anything to change with this post, but I’m just sharing since being alone is driving me crazy and hurts me so much.