Dealing with my sexuality and a crush

Hey there! I've been struggling a bit with depression caused mostly by my sexual orientation (male, almost 18). Everywhere I go I hear homophobic jokes or just serious homophobic comments (most of them i hear from my dad). Im in the closet still and not ready to come out, but I told a great friend of mine that I was gay via facebook ( he even thaught I had a crush on him). He was the best! He just said it was ok, everything still the same between us. I talk to him about my feelings and stuff and he tries to help as much as he can. The problem is that I got a crush on a boy that doesnt seem to be gay, and it's killing me. I will never see him again in 2 months and I cant talk to him. He's nice to me, we're good friends, but I feel sick when i look at him and see how gorgeous and a nice guy he is. Its like I cant be loved because of how I look and because of my personality. I hear my straight friends and even my twin brother talk about banging girls and fuck, but all I want is to holds hands him my crush. Just to feel that someone likes me. To feel free and dont hide my feelings from him. And I dont do anything about it. I hate myself. I just want the days to end. I dont wanna live in this present. I dont care about the future. Im suffering now. Sorry for bad English (non native).