[Serious] I need some love advice

I'm really not good in explaining myself in detail but I try my best to do it.So, I started fucking with this one guy. Let's call him Nick because we both have the same name and I feel retarded saying my own name. Over time, we kinda were on our way to become friends or so I thought at least. We both like videogames and...honestly, we don't have that much in common except some personality traits. It just felt right being with him. On one date we started cuddling while watching a movie (and he falling asleep in my neck). Really sweet. That was kinda the point, where I fell in love with him.You see, I'm a really lonely person. No matter how many people I have around me or how many acquaintances (fuck this word) I have, I always feel alone. I cannot shake that thought. I'm a really....difficult person sometimes so having someone close is not only pretty rare but really touches me. Back to the story - he kinda caught on. That's where he started saying that he does like me, but not as much as I like him. He already had 3 really shitty relationships in the past, he just wasn't ready yet for another one. I can't tell you what but it was really shit. First strike.Now later on, when he was really down from his work (almost 10-12 hours a day). I was getting really worried about him. I mean why not? He always looked tired and it was almost 2 months since I last met him. That was too much for him I guess because he didn't like all my worrying about him. He doesn't like all this closeness and prefers more freedom. Also didn't help, that I wanted to stay with him for the night twice...Second strike.Now in December, when I made him a great X-mas gift, he gladly wanted to meet up for a gaming and movie evening with me. This is the hardest part to explain now. Look, he likes athletic and muscular men just as I do. But I'm not one. So when we fucked this time, he didn't want the lights turned on because it was "too bright". That was the first time he did that and it really hurt me. Not to mention how he talked about stopping smoking so he could get harder boners. What am I supposed to think here? Third strike.Then some days later, when I send him a text message because I was bored and asked him how he was, he told me that he was about to start a relationship with someone."It feels right. It just happened. It helped how it wasn't forced. I hope you don't mind."Fucking knife in my heart.So now I'm trying to forget this assface but he keeps flashing back into my head every goddamned day. He stole my heart and I can't let go.I don't know what to do anymore. He's the only person I ever felt something for and now I feel more lonely than ever despite having more people around me through work and stuff.