Please help me.

So, I'm a 14 year old gay boy who sadly lives in the Middle East.. I've known that I was gay since way back in last years summer break.. Coming to terms with it was NOT easy as I would deny EVERYTHING that had to do with it even though it was pretty clear I ONLY wanted men and nothing else.. Even though I'm in 9th grade currently, I already have looked up a bunch of colleges in America that I'm interested in going to.. Plus, I made a college board account Among other things.. I get bullied almost by EVERYONE at school and one time, I got beat up and the bullies recorded it and sent it on snapchat.. (Two times, actually) thinking about me having a boyfriend, me being college, and talking to my friends are the only things that make me happy.. My family is incredibly abusive and honestly? I hate all of them.. All of them are homophobic too which does NOT make it easy.. My mom is incredibly abusive, my sister is extremely selfish, my dad is a whole other story, and my brother is just as bad.. My uncles and aunts are also really bad.. The only times I ever went to therapy were all the way back at the start of this year.. The therapist diagnosed me with anxiety, social anxiety, and OCD.. But I stopped going to therapy as my told me that if I keep going, it would bring "shame" and "dishonor" to our family.. That being said, I'm pretty sure I have a LOT more mental disorders as I have the signs for a LOT of other disorders as well.. I usually have about 7 or 5 panic attacks each day depending on the things that happened in said day.. About 5 people know about my mental disorders, my plan to escape, among the other things I talked about.. I'm usually always very upset and anti-social.. I am also pretty emotionally and mental unstable sometimes.. I also usually start wondering stuff like "will someone actually ever end up dating me? I mean, who wants to date a guy who (probably) has like 200 mental disorders?" And "do any of my friends actually care? I bet they all judge me when I tell them my problems.." I have a TON of fears/phobias.. Which some are the fear of isolation, fear of death, fear of failure, fear of losing loved ones, fear of holes, fear of the supernatural, among others.. Remember how I mentioned that I'm pretty mistreated at school too? Well, even though my mistreatment at my house and my mistreatment at school are basically equal, I would say my mistreatment at school is a LITTLE bit worse for reasons you can probably think about and imagine.. Trust me, there is a LOT more that I'm not telling you.. But based on everything I just wrote, can you help or give me tips? Please?