I'm starting to sympathize with teens who shoot people in their schools.

I'm using a throwaway here.I'm gay. I don't know if I have depression or not, I don't cut myself because I'm afraid of pain. Im not afraid of death though and I've considered suicide more than once. The way my school works is that everyone in a single grade is in one class and they go through the same schedule. Now, recenty two of my classmates were excused out of a really long assignment that's due tomorrow, and not only was my teached a bitch about it, but the school psychologist didn't help at all, since our principal has a reputation of ALWAYS siding with the teacher. Today Ive honestly considered bringing a gun to school then shooting everyone and then myself. My self confidence is lower than the floor. Im fat and ugly.I remember when I was 12 I'd thought I wasn't that ugly for like 3 minutes kf my life, those were the 3 happiest minutes of my life. I remember ever since I was 7 Id tell my mom I was ugly. I stopped so she wouldnt feel bad about me. I don't even picture myself in my own fantasies because I'm a turn off for myself. My friends all think I'm okay because Im usually happy and friendly when Im around people but they know nothing. Ive cried myself to sleep every night for the past years. A lot of you might say, but damn you're in a nice school and have all kinds of nice things and yet you still complain" and that's part of the problem. I kick myself over the fact that I have nothing to complain about, I have everything I could want and more. I do kick myself over everything and I get nervous just by talking to adults, for some reason I've the need to make them approve of me even. If i say something dumb, specially to one of my teachers I will hate myself for it for days. Specially when someone asks a question and I know the answer, I'd rather not say it in fear that I'll be wrong and get laughed at by my classmates. Everyone in my class has some talent or way of expressing themselves, except I don't. I don't do anything all day except sit in my computer. I can't write, sing, draw, do any sports, I can barely play video games and I still suck at them. All i want is someone to talk to but then Id be afraid of what they think of me. As I always am.