For the past 3 years I've been struggling to come to terms with my past. Memories of a number of sexual acts I did as a child and teenager surfaced and are filling me with overwhelming guilt and making me feel like a messed up person or sexual deviant.
I have been mostly OK for the past year but this week I'm having a particular rough time with it and it's making me seriously question my sexuality. What makes it worse is that I have recently entered into a new relationship with a girl I really like, but when this guilt and shame is on my mind I just cannot be around her.
I don't want to list every single thing I did but I will name a few. I experimented with incest porn when I was younger and I feel sick thinking about this now. It makes me want to kill myself because the shame is so strong. Also when I was 8/9 I remember kissing my cousin on the lips, around the same age I remember dry humping my male neighbour. I also recall experimenting with some gay material online too.
It seemed that everything used to turn me on when I entered puberty, so much so that it resulted in me masturbating to questionable material.
I cannot forgive myself for this and I'm scared it's going to affect my relationship with this girl. I don't know what to do, it's eating me up inside and I feel like a monster. Can't stop thinking about ending it all.
I guess I needed to get this out. Thanks.
Nincsenek megjegyzések:
Megjegyzés küldése