I need more mature advice from you guys

Hello friends of LGBTYA,

I am currently using a throwaway account because I am a really shy person, even when it comes to anonymous things.

I am currently a 20 years old openly gay man with a straight best friend, which I spend a lot of time with, even if we don't do the same things in life (as for me, I am a full time worker and he's a student). I know I fell in love with this guy in the past, but after taking some distance with him, I felt pretty confident that my crush on him was gone. Fuck me sideways, in the mean time, my best friend (we'll call him jay) started going to the gym and grew into a beautiful man in the last two years.

What I thought was gone, came back, as he is even in my mind when I am jerking off. It is annoying to the highest point because we do get really close sometimes (for example, watching a movie together, he would let me cuddle him) and I have a hard time resisting my sexual pulsions. He feels it, but he's been emotionally broken and lonely in the last months, so he hasn't really pushed me back.

I am currently happy with the relationship I have with him, aside from the fact that I cannot really go further. I appreciate that the things he does for me, but it cannot continue, because at some point we are going to hit a wall.

Aside from taking distance from him (which hasn't worked well last time), I simply cannot see anything to "fix" my problem. To me, ending the relationship is not a solution, as we've been building it for years. I know he appreciates me as a close friend, so do I, but I fear the day he finds a new girlfriend. It is a ticking timebomb.

Any comment or advice would be appreciated.

Sincerely,

maybegayz