Ok, so I (19f) came out to my parents as bi a week ago. I've been struggling with it for a long time, even going to the point where I forced myself to look at vaginas with diseases to try and gross myself out. I would tell people that vaginas and boobs are gross (I did think I thought that for awhile, but looking back it was just disgust toward my own body). I don't want to like women, but I do. I like them sexually and romantically (same with men). I'm finally starting to come to terms with it.
The first person I told was my mom, who is usually very supportive and pretty open minded. She told me that she supported me no matter what but she didn't believe bisexuality was really a thing, you choose one or the other. That hit me really hard. What hit me harder was the fact that my dad, a Christian conservative Republican who is pretty homophobic and totally against gay marriage, was 10 times more accepting than my mom. She was the one who always told me I could be comfortable telling her anything. My dad said he loves me and will always love whoever I bring home as long as they treat me right and I love them.
So I've told 2 other people, my 2 best friends. One of them is bi too and I knew I'd have her support. I hung out with her all day yesterday (along with another friend) and I was not looking forward to going home. Today my mom asked me if I talked to my bi friend about it and I said yes, she asked what she said blah blah blah. What upset me was when she said "you never know how you're gonna end up. You may find that you choose girls or you end up not liking girls and choose boys. This is the experimental phase of your life." I felt torn apart, she hadn't mentioned me liking both, only choosing one or the other. I think she saw in my face how much it hurt and quickly added "or you might be bisexual or whatever". Am I being too sensitive? I know this has really taken a toll on our relationship, she wants me to tell everyone how supportive she is but I don't feel like she's truly supportive. It feels like she just thinks this is a phase and I'll choose one or the other. I'd rather only like one or the other, all of these feelings are so confusing. I feel so torn apart, I kept all of these feelings down for so long.
My mom has always had a feeling I like girls but I don't think she ever anticipated me liking guys too. She also seems to be kind of pushing me to like just guys, she keeps talking about the cute guys at the store or the Doctors office. When I said something about a cute girl at the ice cream shop my friends and I went to, she kind of had this "oh for fuck's sake" look. Almost...annoyed? I don't know. I don't know what to think. When I'm around her I feel kind of trapped. When I was with my friends I felt so liberated, so sure. I was confident about myself. When I'm with my mom I feel so confused, I can't stop doubting myself. I almost told my mom that I'm not actually bisexual and I'm just straight but I knew if I did that, I'd go back to the dark place I used to be in when I made myself think I didn't like girls. I don't know what to do or how to feel. I feel depressed at home, only my parents know (if my sister knew she'd be a bitch about it and call me slurs, it's how she is) and I'm waiting to be open about it until I actually start dating a girl. I'm finding myself staying in my room, with my friends or at my college all day long, avoiding my mom. I know she thinks badly of me. I know how she views me is different. I just don't know what to do.
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