Hi everyone. I am a 20 year old college student who is completely in love with a 25 year old guy on my course. The situation that I am in at the moment is so bad that I fear it has been affecting my mental health. As a desperate last resort, I find myself on this sub-reddit. I hope someone can help me. This will be quite a long post, so I hope you have the patience for it.I am currently in my second year of college. There are only around 40 people in my course, so everyone more or less knows everybody else. I am studying theatre- the course is very practical, and we spend a lot of time around each other. There is a boy, I'll call him Tom, who I am absolutely in love with.I did not find out that Tom was gay until February of last year. Most people just assume he is straight. I didn't really have any reaction to it, but as time went on and we became closer, I slowly began to like him.On the last day of our first college year, we both went to a party and we hooked up. We did not have sex, but we did everything else. The next day, I messaged him on Facebook and I told him that I liked him.He never replied.I went to the USA for the entire Summer, and he was always in the back of my mind. However, we had no contact at all during this period.Flash forward to September and we see each other again. It wass initially awkward, and we kind of ignored each other. As time goes on though, we slowly started talking again. By October, we are at least able to speak to one another again.At this time, he is seeing a guy outside of college. They have went on a few dates, and he really likes him. Apparently the guy doesn't feel the same way about Tom. He comes to me looking for advice on what he should do. I give him some solid advice, all the while fighting to hold back tears. I cannot believe that he would ask me, the person who confessed his love to him, for advice- of all people.Today, I have got to a point where I am reminded by how much I like him- after all I have to see him everyday. We sometimes text and message on Facebook, and he even calls me sometimes to ask if I am going out for a drink, and what my plans are for the evening.I found out a while back that Tom had sex with a guy called Mark. He got with him at a pride parade during the Summer. Coincidentally, Mark is now a first year student on my course.At a house party a while before Christmas, I got with Mark. Tom does not know this. I don't think he would be upset at this situation: he comes across as a player, but I know if he finds out he will sleep with Mark to hurt me. The first and the second years do not work together, but they start to near the end of the academic year, so this will probably happen. My heart is breaking at the thought of it, I can only imagine what it will be like if it actually happens.I should probably point out that Tom is not out of the closet to his parents. At a house party recently, he kissed a girl. Again, I was heartbroken. It hurt because for a brief moment, I thought I had gotten over him, but apparently not. I don't think he is bisexual, but I do think he is in denial about his homosexuality.He consistently flirts with me, though. At first I didn't want to tell my friends this - they are aware of everything that has happened and I thought they might think I was being delusional. But they have repeatedly pointed out to me on numerous occasions that he is actively flirting with and teasing me.I am letting my happiness be defined by him. I am letting my self worth be defined by him. The worst thing about it is that I know I am doing it. I will change my plans so I can see him. I think about him all the time, and it hurts so bad. I know he doesn't like me, so why is he leading me on? He has to be aware that he is doing it- he is in no way stupid. If he is aware of it though, that just means he is a dick. I don't think that that he.I cannot tell him how I feel, because I am afraid of losing his friendship. What can I do?
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